


The Price of Absolution

by La_Papillon



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Dipper Pines, Friendship, Human Bill Cipher, Humor, M/M, Male Slash, My First Work in This Fandom, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Weirdmageddon, Redemption, Slow Burn, Spoilers, There will be porn later, Top Bill Cipher, or at least for all intents and purposes he is, specifically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Papillon/pseuds/La_Papillon
Summary: Bill Cipher knew that invoking Axolotl's name would mean he was in for a world of trouble. Even so, Bill hadn't been expecting Axolotl to strip him of his powers, trap him in a human form, and dump him on Earth 10 years into the future. Oh, and apparently Bill also needs to stop some horrible threat that's about to rip the very universe Bill tried to conquer into pieces.Now, Bill is forced to team up with Dipper and Mabel Pines in order to save the world - and along the way, try and come to terms with all of his past mistakes.On top of all that, Bill can't help but notice that the intriguing Dipper Pines grew up real nice.(Otherwise known as: The Fic That Tries To Redeem Bill Cipher).





	1. He'll Have To Invoke My Name

**Author's Note:**

> When I started watching Gravity Falls, I did it with the specific intention that I was _not_ going to end up in another fandom. Clearly, you can see how well that worked out. :p 
> 
> I've always been a sucker for redemption fics, and the seed for this was planted in my brain after reading the section about Axolotl in the Gravity Falls Wiki. You can read it for yourself here: http://gravityfalls.wikia.com/wiki/Axolotl I've also quickly become a sucker for the fics where Bill, Dipper, and Mabel become an awkward sort of family, so there's plenty of that in here too.
> 
> This fic takes place in an alternate universe where Ford never comes out of the portal when Stan turns it on. Instead, Bill comes out, and uses the leftover energy from the portal to tear open a dimensional rift that starts Weirdmageddon. Stan was able to con Bill into entering his Mindscape, and you'll find out how later on in the fic. McGucket takes on Ford's role of erasing Stan's memory with the memory gun.

He couldn’t believe it.

There was _no way_ that this could be happening to him. Not in any of the infinite possibilities in all the universes. It was completely, utterly impossible.

And yet, here he was, experiencing the impossible for himself. 

The great Bill Cipher, destroyer of dimensions, taker of souls…was dying.

The bright blue flames edged in closer, eating away at Stan Pines’ mind. Emotions Bill hadn’t felt in at least a trillion years were rising inside of him, snapping at his very being like the kinds of vicious beasts that he normally commanded. Fear, panic, horror…and above all else, _pain_. Bill’s very essence was being destroyed, along with the Mindscape he was trapped in.

“No…No!” He shouted, as more and more of his triangular form was pulled away from him, dissolved into nothing before his eye. “This can’t be! I’m Bill Cipher! I can’t be getting destroyed by a bunch of…of useless _meatbags_!”

A harsh laugh sounded just behind him, and Bill turned to see Stan leaning against his favorite armchair with a look of triumph on his face. “Too bad,” he said. “Looks like this _meatbag_ is the one who’s bringin’ you down.”

“Your memories are going to get erased too, you idiot!” Bill shouted. “If you stop this now, I’ll – I’ll give you anything you want!” He winced as his legs collapsed from under him, causing Bill to crash down in front of Stan’s feet. The bastard’s smirk widened a bit further at that. “All the money in the world! A big house! Your own _galaxy_!”

“Nah. Think I’ll just settle for knowing the kids and the town’ll be safe,” Stan replied. “If it means I forget everything, then that’s just how things shake out.”

The Mindscape was crumbling around them. Just about all of Bill’s form was gone, along with the room they were in. Even Stan himself was breaking up into bits, though his stupid face still remained intact. In another minute or two, Bill knew he would be gone forever.

There was only one thing left for him to try. It was an option that Bill had never thought he would need to use, had never wanted to use. However, being faced with his impending demise made him desperate. That was an emotion he was a bit more familiar with, unfortunately.

_“Axolotl!”_ Bill cried out, with the last few dregs of energy remaining to him. _“My time has come to burn! I invoke the ancient power that I may return!”_

Everything went white as Stan’s mindscape – and Bill inside of it – was destroyed.

**-x-**

**Three days earlier:**

“Grunkle Stan…I trust you,” Mabel said. She let go of the button that would have shut down the interdimensional portal that had, unbeknownst to just about everyone save for Stan Pines, been hidden in the Mystery Shack’s basement.

Everyone was suspended in midair, as the basement was filled with an unnatural blue glow. Mabel in particular was hanging just in front of the portal, her long hair floating around her like she was underwater. The portal pulsed with wild energy. “It’s gonna blow!” Dipper shouted. “Get back, Mabel!” 

“I’m too young to die!” Soos wailed. “There’s so much anime I haven’t seen!”

“Kids, get back!” Stan shouted. He shoved Dipper against the wall, then used the momentum to push himself forward and grab Mabel around the waist. He then ricocheted off the adjacent wall to push the two of them back next to Dipper and Soos, as far away from the portal as they could get.

Bill Cipher saw his chance. It was what he had been waiting for all summer, ever since Dipper Pines first found one of Sixer’s old Journals. Bill knew that the key to operating his interdimensional portal – the portal that Bill himself had helped build – was hidden inside those damned Journals that Ford had always been scribbling in. Yet, Ford had layered spell after protective spell over each one, frustrating Bill’s attempts to find them. There wasn’t a day that went by where Bill didn’t regret letting the man get as far as he had. Ford had always been too smart for his own damn good. Ultimately, it was why he was no longer on Earth now.

Gideon summoning him to Gravity Falls had just been the start, as it had allowed Bill to manipulate events in order to get all three Journals in the hands of the Pines family. Stan had perfectly lived up to his role as the stupid twin by turning the portal on, probably in a desperate attempt to bring his brother back.   
But Stanford Pines wasn’t what came through the portal. Bill had been ready and waiting for this moment. In the brief window of time before the portal destabilized and shut down, he flew through.

“Yes! Yes, yes, YES!” He shouted, triumphant, as he fully materialized for the first time in this wonderful new dimension. It was ripe for him to wreak chaos in, to mold and break into his new home. It would be a reflection of his own image, a testament to his power. “Finally! I’m free of my decaying old dimension! 3D, here I come!”

Behind him, the portal creaked and groaned like a great, dying beast. Instead of blowing up, however, it simply collapsed, the metal framework caving in on itself. The swirling blue vortex flickered a few times before winking out of existence, leaving behind a useless and slightly scorched pile of scrap. Stan, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos all slid down the wall they’d been pushed against as gravity returned to normal, landing in a heap of limbs on the floor.

Bill hadn’t really paid them much mind, seeing as how he was busy building himself an improved form to better suit this dimension. It felt _good_ to have a third side to himself.

“Bill Cipher?!” Bill looked down to see Dipper and Mabel Pines, whose arrival in Gravity Falls had been the needed push to set Bill’s plans in motion, staring at him with wide eyes and horrified expressions. 

“The one and only!” Bill winked at them (though, since he only had one eye, it was really more of a blink. Ah well, it couldn’t be helped. Displaying emotions to humans was hard). “But you can just call me your lord and master for all eternity!”

“No!” Dipper pushed himself up on his feet, staring Bill down, with his hands clenched into trembling fists. “I won’t let you destroy the world! I’ll – I’ll stop you, Bill!”  
Bill burst out laughing. He couldn’t help it – the kid was really just too funny. “Oh yeah? Well go on then, puppet!” He taunted. “Gimme your best shot! Be a hero! Go ahead and _stop me_.”

Bill had to admit that he’d expected Dipper to pee himself and run away. He was certainly not an imposing figure, being all gangly limbs and awkward pre-adolescence. Bill was certainly not expecting Dipper to run at him screaming with his fist drawn back, ready to punch.

Bill had to admit, the look in Dipper Pines’ eyes at that moment was interesting. For just a few moments, he was filled with a kind of boldness and determination that burned like green fire in his eyes. Bill had seen that kind of look in precious few humans over the centuries. Even fewer humans dared to challenge him the way this kid was doing. In that moment, as twelve year-old Dipper Pines attempted to punch a demon that could easily kill him with barely a thought, he struck Bill as being incredibly…admirable.

However, his actions were also incredibly stupid. Bill let Dipper get within a foot of him, before waving an arm and sending him flying backwards before his weak little fist could even connect. Dipper hit the wall with a _thud_ , and slumped over, groaning. The other three humans in the room all let out cries of alarm. “Dipper!” Mabel scrambled to her brother’s side and hunched protectively over him. She turned to glare at Bill. “You _monster_ ,” she growled out. “Don’t you _dare_ touch him!”

Bill just laughed. Once he’d gotten settled in his new world, Dipper might make an interesting pet. Assuming he survived, that is. Perhaps Bill would come back to look for him later. However, he had more pressing matters to attend to now than tormenting four humans. “Welcome to Weirdmagedon, meatbags!” He shouted, tearing a hole straight through the Mystery Shack as he rose up into the sky. 

The wind whipped up and howled around Bill, as he used the leftover power he’d absorbed from the portal to tear a dimensional rift open into the sky. It wasn’t large, but it was enough to allow all manner of interdimensional nightmares and criminals to pour through. “Here comes the end of the world!” He cackled. _And the beginning of mine._ Yes, Bill was looking forward to reigning over this place for the rest of eternity.

Of course, things didn’t quite work out that way. 

**-x-**

“Well. If it isn’t Bill Cipher. I must admit, I doubted I would ever see you here again.”

Bill groaned, his eye opening groggily. _Everything_ hurt. His vision swam, taking several minutes for things to materialize in front of him. Not that there was really much to see. He was surrounded by soft pastel colors – pink, blue, yellow, and orange. They were all softly pulsing and blending seamlessly into each other. Thin trails of mist wove around him like silken threads. It was very beautiful, in a weird kind of way. Or it would have been, if Bill was the kind of being who appreciated vague things like beauty. Not knowing if he was dead or alive at the moment also put a bit of a damper on things.

Bill’s attention was quickly drawn to the thing that had spoken to him, as it materialized in its favorite form right in front of him – a giant pink axolotl. It regarded Bill with its small dark eyes, seeming almost amused by his current predicament. Frilly, darker pink gills floated around its face, as if pushed by an invisible current.

This was the great deity Axolotl. It was the only being that could possibly have rescued Bill from destruction. And right now, it controlled his fate. The thought positively terrified him.

Without thinking, Bill tried escaping Axolotl, hoping to push himself out of its strange realm in between dimensions, and go literally _anywhere_ else. But he couldn’t _move_. Looking down on himself, Bill swore in several different dead languages as he saw that his form was almost entirely dissipated. Right now, he was nothing but a faint cloud of yellow energy, too weak to do anything but float there, and face Axolotl. He was still alive, but barely. 

“Axolotl,” Bill said shortly. It was a miracle he was able to speak at all, really, considering the state he was in. “You actually saved my life. I always knew you had a sadistic streak.”

“I gave you the ability to invoke me for a reason, Cipher,” Axolotl said. “I knew in order for you to be desperate enough to do so, you would be likely to be on death’s door. I have been prepared to save you from destruction for a long time, now. Despite your frequent proclamations to the contrary, you are not invincible.” 

“I can’t believe I was defeated by an idiotic old con-man, and a crazy hobo with a memory erasing gun,” Bill snapped. He couldn’t really get in a more embarrassing spot than he was in right now, after all. Might as well tell the whole story. “How?! How could this have happened? Humans are pathetic! They know nothing of even their own universe, let alone any others! They regularly attempt to destroy their own planet! How could any species so _weak_ have been able to do this to me?”

“From what I know of humanity, they are tenacious creatures. They do not easily give up, and possess as much daring and bravery in the face of difficult odds as more advanced species do. It is clear to me that you deeply underestimated them,” It figured that the stupid frilly know-it-all actually _liked_ humans.

“So, what do you want, anyway?” Bill snapped. “To keep me here at your mercy for the rest of eternity?”

“Bill Cipher.” The look and tone of voice that Axolotl used would have caused a shiver to go through Bill, were he still capable of shivering. “You have destroyed an entire dimension, and countless other sentient beings with it. You almost destroyed a second dimension as well, in your foolish attempts to make yourself a more stable home than the Nightmare Realm. I cannot allow these crimes to go unanswered. You must atone for what you have done.”

There was a long moment of silence, until Bill finally worked up the nerve to address Axolotl again. “Well, you must have _something_ in mind for me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of keeping me alive.”

A glint of amusement shone in Axolotl’s eyes once more. “Of course, Bill. My task for you is this – to save the dimension you tried so hard to ruin. There are great dangers ahead for it.”

“You have _got_ to be joking,” Bill deadpanned. “There’s no way I’m going to be saving that good-for-nothing dump - ”

“Or I could just let you die right now.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Bill huffed. “You’ve got me pinned to a wall here, Axolotl, so I’ll do it. What are these _great dangers_ , anyway?”

Axolotl smiled at him, which was a weird look on a giant pink salamander. “Telling you would be too easy. The punishment must fit the crime, after all. But do not worry. You will have assistance in this task.”

“Oh, _come on_ –”

“Now, Bill Cipher, I will uphold my end of the bargain,” Axolotl interrupted. “You will be restored to life.”

Axolotl opened its mouth, to reveal a practically blinding bright light. Before Bill could say or do anything else – like ask about just how he was going to single-handedly save an entire fucking dimension from some unknown threat – that light blasted out of the deity’s mouth, and hit what was left of Bill’s form head on. He yelled out in shock…and everything went dark.

Oddly enough, the last thing Bill saw before losing consciousness completely was a flash of determined green eyes rushing at him.

**-x-**

Bill’s eyes snapped open to the view of a dark lattice of tree branches and leaves. In-between the gaps of the branches, Bill could see a night sky, dotted with stars. He abruptly sat up with a cry of shock, then hissed in discomfort as a wave of dizziness went through him. He pressed a hand to his forehead, and waited a moment for the dizzy spell to pass. 

Wait a minute…since when did he have a forehead? Now that Bill thought about it…he felt a lot more solid than usual. A bit heavier, too. He looked down at his body to see that of a human’s. Hands, legs, feet, arms, a torso. The whole shebang. Bill wondered why Axolotl had put him in a vessel. 

There was a loud shout, and Bill looked up to see a young man – barely more than a boy, really - fall off the short wall he’d been perched on. An empty bottle fell to the asphalt path next to him with a dull _clunk_. The boy pulled himself up, seeming none the worse for wear, and swayed on his feet. He held up a shaking finger, and pointed it at Bill. “G-ghost!” He slurred, before turning tail and practically tripping over his own feet as he ran around the corner of a nearby building, and out of sight.

Bill rolled his eye. _Humans_. They were such ridiculous creatures, so easily frightened. It was part of why Bill enjoyed manipulating them so much. Speaking of which, it was time to leave this vessel. If he was lucky, he could escape this dimension before whatever proverbial shit Axolotl had been hinting at actually hit the fan.

Except that he couldn’t leave the vessel. Frowning, Bill tried again, pushing at what _should_ be the thin boundary between himself and the body he was possessing. Only, there wasn’t a boundary at all. There was nothing to separate Bill from the body he was currently in.

“ _Shit_ ,” Bill growled. “That slippery fucker actually made me into a meatbag!” Slowly, he pushed himself up to his feet. They trembled, and he nearly fell, but was able to catch himself in time against the trunk of the tree he’d been lying under. After a few moments, Bill was able to steady himself and stand up properly. He looked around to see that he was standing in some sort of grassy courtyard, surrounded by small buildings. Some of the buildings had lights on in the windows, so they were presumably inhabited. Small asphalt pathways ran between the buildings, lit by bright streetlamps. Bill hurried over to one of the lamps. He couldn’t see too much from where he was standing. Which scared him – Bill had always had perfect vision, whether it was light or dark out. Not being able to see as well at night would be difficult, to say the least.

Once under the light, Bill could see his new body more clearly. It was tall and fit, so at least Axolotl had given him that. The deity seemed to have taken Bill’s particular tastes into account when giving him clothes, as well. He was wearing a dark gold suit jacket with black triangle-shaped buttons, over a lighter gold long-sleeved shirt. He even had a black bow tie on. The outfit was finished off by long black dress pants, and shiny black shoes. Bill reached into the coat pockets out of curiosity, and pulled out a pair of soft, black leather gloves. He put them on, and was unsurprised to find that they fit perfectly. Bill ran a long-fingered hand through short, soft hair. No top hat, then. Too bad, he’d always been fond of top hats.

Bill ran through a few of his extensive repertoire of spells – or at least, the ones he should still be able to do when not in his natural triangular form. None of them worked. He couldn’t light fire. He couldn’t magically transport himself across spaces. He couldn’t do any telekinesis. He couldn’t even summon the slightest of breezes. 

Panic started to rise in Bill’s throat as he realized that he was completely, utterly _helpless_. How Axolotl expected him to even be able to survive in this dimension, let alone save it, was beyond him. Of course, Bill definitely had to give the frilly ass credit – there was definitely no way he was leaving this dimension, at any rate. 

He paced around the courtyard he had found himself in. Based on signs hanging from the nearby buildings, Bill discovered that he was on the Portland State University campus. Vague memories picked up from old human vessels informed Bill that a university was a kind of school that young adults went to, usually to prepare for boring and useless jobs. There were three male dormitory buildings and a dining hall surrounding the courtyard. All of the doors were locked. The doors next to the dormitories had little slots that were labeled for student ID cards, which looked like they could be used as keys to gain entrance. Of course, Bill didn’t have one. A nearby map of the rest of the campus was displayed on a sign next to the dining hall, which Bill spent several minutes studying in the dim light of the nearby street lamps. It looked like there was a lot more to the campus than just this small area. He felt overwhelmed just looking at the map. How did anyone find their way around this place?

Bill also spent some time studying his reflection in a nearby window. Based on what he could see, he looked pretty handsome for a human. The face was all smooth skin, short blond hair, and a straight, aquiline nose. The only oddity was that, just like in his natural form, Bill only had one eye. Even in what little light there was, it flashed a bright blue in his reflection. Wrapped around the other eye was a triangle-shaped eyepatch of black velvet, which was trimmed with gold. Lifting it up briefly, Bill saw that the eye it covered was clouded a milky-white, and completely blind. 

He suspected now that Axolotl had made him a completely new vessel, instead of giving Bill someone’s discarded physical form. Typically, making a physical vessel from scratch was a complicated bit of magic that few were able to accomplish. However, doing so would be child’s play to a deity with Axolotl’s power. In a physical vessel, the eyes were typically the purest expression of a person’s soul. They were where a soul resided in the vessel, in a sense. Humans even had some kind of dumb phrase about that, but Bill couldn’t be bothered to remember it. So, he wasn’t too surprised to only have one eye in this form, as Bill had only ever had one eye in his natural form. The nature of his being hadn’t changed, just the wrapping. 

Bill crouched underneath the large tree in the center of the campus. He felt disgusted by all of the stupid, useless _emotions_ running through him right now. Fear, anxiety, and anger made his muscles tense, and his heart beat quickly. On top of that, Bill’s stomach felt tight, and his throat felt dry and raspy. He knew enough about humans to know that these feelings meant he was hungry and thirsty. Bill had experienced these sensations briefly when possessing humans, but he usually just left the vessel if they became too overwhelming. Now, that clearly wasn’t an option. Bill also wasn’t even sure where to go in order to satiate himself. His dumb human body didn’t even have the strength to force the dining hall door open, and he didn’t want to risk drawing attention to himself by trying to break a window.

He wondered if this was how he was actually going to die – slowly, of dehydration and hunger underneath a tree in a backwater dimension. It would have been embarrassing, if Bill could even summon the energy to care about that kind of thing. Bill normally was just able to suck the life energy right out of any living thing for sustenance. Quick and easy. He half-heartedly tried to do so with the tree in the courtyard, but of course it didn’t work. Bill groaned, and leaned his head back against the trunk. For the first time in billions of years, he had no plan for what came next. He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to _do_.

“Hey!” A loud shout from across the courtyard startled Bill into alertness. He leapt to his feet, curling his hands into fists. He wasn’t sure how much of a fight this body could put up, but now seemed as good a time as any to learn its limits. If it came down to it, Bill supposed he could always run away. Even the thought of having to sink down to that level left a bad taste in his mouth, though. 

There was a bright light coming towards him from across the courtyard, which Bill quickly realized was a flashlight. It was being held by the slim figure of a boy, who Bill guessed as being in his late teens or early twenties. Bill was able to pick out more details as the boy got closer. He could make out a few messy brown curls of hair around the kid’s ears, and he was wearing rumpled gray sweats and dirty sneakers. The boy also didn’t seem to have any weapons aside from the flashlight. Bill hoped that if he was able to beat the kid in a fight, he’d open the dining hall up so Bill could at least get a drink.

The boy stopped several feet away from him. “Shit,” he breathed. “Everyone figured Ryan was just drunk when he came in screaming about a ghost in the courtyard, but I just _had_ to check, didn’t I?” Bill heard him muttering. He held the flashlight up defensively. “Look, buddy,” the kid said, a bit louder this time. “I dunno if you’re high, or doing some kind of frat thing, but I’m calling the campus police if you don’t get out of here.”

“Listen, kid, you don’t wanna miss with me,” Bill growled out, trying to make himself sound as threatening as possible. “I’ll beat you into the next century.” Then, Bill noticed the eyes, bright green and focused on him. More curious than angry, this time, but still no less intense. The boy was also wearing a baseball cap – dark blue and white, with an all-too-familiar logo on the front. “Pine Tree?” Bill asked, squinting incredulously past the flashlight.

Dipper – it could only be Dipper Pines, with eyes like that – lowered the flashlight. He gaped at Bill, eyes like round saucers. “Wha-?” He sputtered. “How-? There’s no way…I’ve never told anyone – not outside of Gravity Falls…” He paused for a minute, seemingly taking in Bill’s face, eye, and unusual clothing for the first time. “ _Bill Cipher_?” 

“The one and only,” Bill said, giving a dramatic bow. “Hats off to you for a correct first guess, kid!” 

“But…you’re supposed to be _dead!_ Old man McGucket wiped you out of Stan’s mind with his memory gun ten years ago! I saw it!” Dipper was staring at Bill with eyes wide as saucers, the flashlight dangling limply in his hand. “This has to be a bad dream. Why aren’t you a triangle? You’re supposed to be a floating triangle in a top hat!”

“Well, what I’m _supposed_ to be, and what I _am_ right now, are clearly two different things,” Bill groused. Apparently, Axolotl had sent him a decade forward in time when it had brought him here. Seeing as how this was only one more uncomfortable revelation on top of a whole stack of them, Bill just shoved the thought aside to deal with later. It was still a little weird seeing an older Pine Tree, though.

Bill yelped as the flashlight hit him in the face. “Ow! The fuck was that for?” He winced, rubbing the side of his head, as the flashlight that Dipper had just thrown at him rolled away and flickered off.

“Listen, Bill,” Dipper raised his fists, and Bill noticed that his arms were just a bit less noodley than they had been when he was twelve, and last facing Bill down like this. Also, unlike the last time, Bill had a sickening feeling in his stomach that Dipper was a lot more likely to win a fistfight with him. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or what your endgame is, but I’m not letting you get away with it! I won’t let you try to destroy the rest of the world like you almost did to Gravity Falls!”

Bill opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off when his stomach let out a loud growl. He winced slightly. Being hungry _sucked_. 

Dipper had lowered his fists slightly, and had returned to staring at him like an idiot.

Bill sighed. He realized that, yet again, he was backed up against a wall. Would there be no end to his having to demean himself? “Look, Pine Tree…I don’t have an endgame. As much as I hate to admit it, I really don’t have much more of an idea than you as to what exactly I’m doing here. And right now, I need your help.”

Dipper lowered his fists completely. “OK, now I _know_ I’m dreaming.” He pinched his arm, and winced slightly. “Ow. Then again, maybe not…”

Bill snickered. Even after ten years, pain was still hilarious. Dipper, meanwhile, pulled a cell phone out of his sweatpants pocket. He swiped across the screen a few times before putting it to his ear. “C’mon, c’mon, pick up…Mabel? Yeah, it’s me. You’ve gotta come down to my dorm _right now_. It’s an emergency.”

Bill heard a tinny voice on the other end of the line, but it was impossible to make out what they were saying with his weak human ears. 

“Yeah, _way_ worse than were-raccoons,” Dipper said. “You’re not gonna believe this, but…Bill Cipher’s here.”


	2. A Different Form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill meets with Dipper and Mabel Pines. Deals and decisions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be adding TWs later as they appear, but there aren't any in this chapter.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy Chapter 2, which starts the dynamic between Bill, Mabel, and Dipper!

Fifteen minutes later, Bill was sitting in Dipper’s dorm room, being stared at by both Pines twins. Dipper still looked wary and suspicious, as if he expected Bill to revert back to his natural triangular form, and start burning the entire campus down. At this point, the probability of that happening was next to impossible, but Dipper didn’t know that. Bill wasn’t necessarily eager to fill him in on the situation, either. After all, it wasn’t like the two of them had been anything like allies. 

Mabel, meanwhile, was sitting cross-legged on Dipper’s bed, and staring at Bill with undisguised fascination. “Wow,” she said. “You’re really _Bill Cipher?_ That’s so crazy! You look just like a human, with skin and hair and everything!” She reached out and started poking at Bill’s cheek with a finger. 

“Knock it off, Shooting Star,” Bill hissed, pushing her hand away. “I’m not some dog you can just touch whenever you want.” 

Mabel actually had the audacity to pout at him, but she didn’t try to touch him again. “How are you back from the dead, anyway? Are you some kind of incredibly fashionable zombie?” She gestured at Bill’s suit.

Bill just grinned. “I never go out under-dressed.” 

“Start talking, Bill,” Dipper said, and Bill’s grin instantly faded.

There seemed to be no end to Bill’s trials tonight. As if all of what he’d been through up to this point hadn’t been degrading enough, Bill had been forced to wait in the dark courtyard for Mabel to come over from the girls’ dorm. Dipper stood right next to him the whole time, muttering under his breath and glaring daggers through him. Once Mabel had finally shown up, Dipper had forced Bill to prove himself _again_ by reciting the events of Weirdmageddon. The memories of his failure were still fresh and painful in Bill’s mind, though he supposed the event was old news for Dipper and Mabel. After all, ten years had passed for them, and what felt like only a few hours for Bill.

However, it had been enough for Dipper and Mabel to finally believe that Bill was who he said he was. Apparently, no one in Gravity Falls had ever talked about Weirdmageddon with anyone outside the town. After muttering under his breath for a few more minutes, Dipper had reluctantly allowed Bill into his dorm room. The kid who was supposed to check in overnight dorm guests had fallen asleep on his laptop, so Dipper had no problems getting Bill and Mabel into his room. Luckily, Dipper’s roommate wasn’t there. 

“So,” Dipper snapped, apparently fed up with Bill's silence. “What exactly are you doing here, Bill? Why’d you show up after ten years? And why Portland? Shouldn’t you only be able to appear in Gravity Falls, outside of the Mindscape? If this is some scheme to bring about Weirdmageddon again – ”

“Easy, Pine Tree,” Bill interrupted, holding his hands up. “I get that you’re playing ‘bad cop’ here, but one question at a time, OK?” He sighed deeply. He’d been holding out on telling Dipper and Mabel everything about his situation (that Bill knew, anyway). After all, it wasn’t like they had ever been allies, and Bill was wary of being too honest with the twins. The more knowledge they had, the more they could screw him over. Still, he was nothing if not a shrewd bargainer. “Give me some water first. My throat feels like it’s on fire.”

Dipper and Mabel both stared. “Since when do you need water?” Dipper asked incredulously.

“Since I showed up here in a useless meatsuit!” Bill growled. He was starting to lose his temper, being so thirsty. “Just…please. Give me water and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

After a long pause, Dipper went to the mini-fridge in the corner of the room and pulled out a bottle of water. He tossed it to Bill, who twisted the cap off and instantly poured half of it into his mouth. The sweet relief was, at that moment, better than anything Bill had ever felt in his extremely long existence. He’d had water and other beverages in the past, when possessing human vessels, but it had never been this good before. He finished the water off in another few gulps. “Ah,” Bill sighed. “Now I see why humans like that stuff so much. I feel way better now.” Though Bill was still hungry, he figured that could wait a bit until he’d sorted things out with the twins. “To answer one of your questions, I _almost_ died after Weirdmageddon. I was brought back.”

“By what?” Dipper asked. Bill could see that familiar curious gleam enter his eyes again. It made him feel kind of weird inside. Warm, somehow. Not in a bad way.

Feelings were confusing, so Bill kept talking in order to try and forget about them. “A…deity, I guess. Or that’s the human term, anyway. Something that’s a hell of a lot more powerful than I am, as much as I hate admitting that.”

“Why’d it make you into a human, though?” Mabel asked. “Does it not like triangles?”

“It’s just got a real twisted sense of humor, is all. And…” Bill sighed again. Having to admit this next thing out loud was almost as awful as first discovering it himself. “My magical abilities seem to have also been taken away. I can’t leave this dimension at all. Not even to enter the Mindscape.”

“So that means you can’t do any awful stuff anymore, right?” Mabel was leaning so far off the bed to stare at him, Bill was starting to think she’d fall off it completely. “No possessing people, or calling other demons out of the sky, or giving people nightmares?”

“Careful, Mabel,” Dipper said. “It could be a trap.”

Bill snorted. “Please, Pine Tree. Have you ever known me to be subtle? Believe me, if I was able to, I’d have started up Weirdmageddon 2.0 the second I touched down in this dimension. I certainly wouldn’t have gone to two of the people responsible for running my plans to beg for help.” Bill made a face. Just saying those words put a bad taste in his mouth. 

Dipper and Mabel were quiet, for once. Bill felt a smug sense of satisfaction at having finally shut the two of them up. Unfortunately, it didn’t last for long. “But… _why_ did this deity bring you back?” Dipper asked. “I mean, you’re kind of a multi-dimensional supervillain, from what I’ve gathered. Wouldn’t everyone benefit from letting you die?”

Bill rolled his eyes. “You wound me, Pine Tree,” he said sarcastically. “The deity brought me back for a reason, apparently. It said there’s some great danger coming to this dimension, or something. Apparently, I’m supposed to stop it. Sounds crazy, I know.” 

Mabel paled and looked nervously at Dipper, who had picked up a pen and was gnawing at it. He looked nervous as well, though that did seem to be his default setting half the time. After a minute of the twins exchanging worried glances with each other, Mabel spoke up. “Did this deity, or whatever, say _what_ exactly the danger is?”

“Or when it’s supposed to happen?” Dipper cut in. “Where? How? Anything useful?”

“Nope,” Bill sat back and crossed his arms. “Didn’t say a word. Only that there was something big coming. I’m guessing soon, too, or else it wouldn’t have stuck me in this particular time.”

“Shit,” Dipper swore, then yelped as he accidentally bit the pen in half. He ran to his trash can and started spitting ink out while Bill snickered. Dipper’s awkwardness was just so…endearing. Almost.

Rolling her eyes at her brother’s antics, Mabel flopped back on the bed and groaned. “I didn’t think anything could be worse than Weirdmageddon,” she groaned. “But – no offense, Bill – how exactly are you going be able to help with no powers?”

“You’re assuming I even want to help,” Bill replied. “At this point, I guess I got no choice. I’m hoping I’ll get my powers back if I can stop whatever is threatening your dimension.” Privately, Bill could only hope Axolotl would restore him to his former glory once he’d completed his penance, or whatever. There were no guarantees. Still, it made things easier to think of his current situation as temporary.

“You sure don’t have a choice,” Dipper said, wiping his mouth off. “At this point, if you don’t help, I’m kicking you out and pointing you in the direction of the soup kitchen.” 

“Really?” Bill hated having the terms of anything dictated to him. He was the one who dictated terms, damn it! Out of desperation, Bill appealed to the only other person in the room. “Shooting Star, you’re OK with me getting put out on the street?”

Mabel’s expression turned stony. “Bill, you tried to kill Grunkle Stan and all of my friends in Gravity Falls. You _tried_ to destroy the world. So yeah, I’m with Dipper on this one. Help us, or hit the road.”

“Ouch. You kids drive a hard bargain. Fine, I’m at your disposal. I may not be able to do any magic, but my knowledge of the kinds of forces that work within and between dimensions is enough to blow your mind. Probably literally.”

“So, what ideas do you have about what might be threatening our dimension?” Dipper asked. He crossed his arms, trying to look angry, but Bill didn’t think there would ever be a world where Dipper Pines looked imposing. 

He tilted back in his chair, thinking. “Hm. Well, could be a lot of things. Some deities, like the one that brought me back from the brink, might be powerful enough to destroy a whole dimension. They aren’t usually petty enough to do that, though. Otherwise…I don’t know. Some demons can gather enough energy to warp or twist another dimension, like I tried to do with Weirdmageddon.”

“Don’t tell me other demons want to start Weirdmageddon too!” Mabel groaned.

“Well, probably not in the same way I’d do it. It definitely wouldn’t be as interesting as my Weirdmageddon, but still highly unpleasant for humans. Or, it could just be some totally mundane threat, like an interdimensional black hole.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any way we could try to contact this deity of yours, to ask it ourselves what we should look out for?” Dipper asked.

Bill snorted. “Pine Tree, I would be long gone by now if I could leave this dimension. And the only way you’d get to talk to this deity would be if it wants to talk to you. In which case, it would have reached out already.”

“Mabel, we need to talk. _Privately,_ ” Dipper said. He grabbed his sister’s wrist and pulled her out into the hallway. “Bill, if I find anything out of place, or destroyed, or…or _transmogrified_ or whatever when we get back in here –”

“You’ll toss me out on the street after ripping me limb from limb, I know,” Bill finished for him. He was starting to get used to Dipper’s threats by now, though being thrown out on his ass was admittedly not something he wanted to happen. “Go gossip with Shooting Star. Not like I can stop you.”

Dipper decided not to dignify that comment with a response (mostly because he didn’t have one). Instead, he just shut the door.

Bill sighed, and grabbed a pencil off of Dipper’s desk, twirling it expertly between gloved fingers like a baton. He then laid it down on the desk and tried to make it levitate. However, despite Bill’s best interests, the pencil stubbornly continued to obey the laws of gravity, not even twitching. Bill groaned and cast his eyes heavenward. “You frilly bastard,” he muttered. “I don’t know how the hell you expect me to save this dimension with no magic. And now I’m stuck working with Pine Tree and Shooting Star? We’re all doomed.”

**-x-**

Dipper carefully checked the hall to make sure no one was there. Seeing as how it was around 1:00 AM on the last day of the semester before summer vacation, pretty much all of the students were either asleep or partying off-campus. The hallway was deserted. Dipper breathed a sigh of relief. His entire body felt on edge. Seeing Bill Cipher again, who everyone had believed to be dead for the past ten years – it was like a strange dream. An unpleasant one.

“Dipper, do you think he’s telling the truth about being, well, _human?_ ” Mabel asked, biting her lip nervously.

“He’s Bill Cipher, no matter what his body looks like,” Dipper said. “But I believe him when he said that he has no powers anymore. Bill would’ve at least dragged us into the Mindscape by now, if he could. Plus, he apparently needs to drink water now…”

Mabel cut Dipper off before he got too lost in his thoughts about what exactly Bill was now. She could practically see the wheels in his head turning with theories and ideas. “What are we going to do with him, though? We’re going to Gravity Falls tomorrow for the summer! We can’t just leave him in the dorms for the next three months.”

Dipper groaned and leaned against the wall, rubbing lightly at his forehead to try and stave off a headache. “I don’t know. We can’t take him home with us to Piedmont. Mom and Dad would have way too many questions. And Bill Cipher’s dangerous even with no powers. There’s no telling what’ll happen if we just turn him loose.”

“Not to mention, everyone would want to know why we decided to suddenly cancel going to Gravity Falls, when we’ve gone every summer since we were twelve,” Mabel sighed. 

“This is all just too much,” Dipper agreed. “Now we know there’s _something_ out there, and it’s threatening our dimension. I just don’t understand why any deity, or whatever, would think bringing Bill Cipher back to life is a good idea. It’s scary enough just knowing there’s stuff that’s more powerful than Bill was when he started Weirdmageddon. We barely beat him then, how the hell are we supposed to fight off something _worse?_ ” He felt a bit like he was trying to put together the world’s most complicated puzzle. No matter how Dipper tried to line the pieces up, there was only one answer.

Looking at Mabel, Dipper could see that she had reached the same conclusion he had. “We’ll have to take Bill with us to Gravity Falls,” she said.

“It is our best chance of finding out what’s going on,” Dipper agreed. “Gravity Falls is practically the center of the world when it comes to paranormal activity. Whatever’s about to happen, it’s bound to come there. As much as I hate to admit it, Bill still knows a lot of stuff we don’t. If he actually _does_ help us, we might stand a chance.”

“We’ll need to tell Grunkle Stan _something,_ though,” Mabel said. After a few moments of thinking, she grinned and snapped her fingers. “I know! Bill’s a friend from school whose summer plans fell through at the last minute, so we invited him to come with us to Gravity Falls. If we tell Grunkle Stan that he’ll work at the Shack for free, it should be fine!”

“I guess that’s as good a cover story as any. Stan does love free labor,” Dipper said. “Just keep it simple, no getting bogged down in unnecessary details.”

“Don’t worry, Dipper, simple is practically my middle name! Mabel Simple Pines!” Mabel flashed Dipper what could only be described as a shit-eating grin. Dipper gave her a flat-eyed stare in return.

He let out a frustrated huff as another realization came. “We’ll need to get Bill some new clothes, too. He can’t go walking around everywhere in that suit, or he’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“He’s not going to fit in your stuff, Dipper, since he’s taller than you. And more muscular.”

“He’s only taller by a few inches,” Dipper grumbled, cheeks flushing pink. “Shut up.”

“Mall trip!” Mabel cheered. “We’ll swing by the one near campus before we leave. Gravity Falls is only a few hours away, so we’ll just say we got held up by traffic.”

“I can’t believe we’re going to have to spend our own money on _Bill Cipher,_ ” Dipper buried his face in his hands. “What has my life become?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, it’ll be fun!” Mabel said. Of course, Dipper knew that she’d take any excuse to buy clothes. Mabel loved dressing people up.

The twins went back into Dipper’s room to find Bill Cipher with his feet propped up on the desk, eating a bag of potato chips and practically moaning at the taste. “Pine Tree, Shooting Star!” He said. “Human food is delicious! Man, I never really appreciated eating before. Then again, I never needed to eat before – hey!” Bill yelped as Dipper grabbed the bag out of his hands. “ _Rude,_ Pine Tree! I thought it was polite to let guests eat your food!”

“You aren’t a guest, Bill,” Dipper snapped, putting the chips away in a cubby above the desk. “I didn’t say you could rummage through my stuff and take it! And get your feet off my desk!”

Bill grumbled, but reluctantly acquiesced. “Look, kid, I was _hungry,_ OK? I haven’t eaten in ten years, apparently. This piece of shit body is as new to me as it is to you.”

“I don’t know about that, it looks pretty good to me,” Mabel grinned and gave Bill an exaggerated wink. 

“Oh my gosh, Mabel, _why,_ ” Dipper groaned as his sister snickered next to him. Still, Bill’s words had struck a chord in Dipper. Silently cursing himself, Dipper realized he felt compassion for the manipulative bastard. He had no idea if Bill had intended for that to happen or not. He reluctantly pulled the chips back out of the cubby, and handed them to Bill. “You practically ate all of them anyway, so just finish the damn bag.”

“Thanks, Pine Tree! You’re a gracious host after all,” Bill chirped, before promptly grabbing the bag and devouring the rest of the chips. The way he ate, Dipper could tell that Bill must have truly been pretty hungry. “Can I have some more water, too?”

Mabel handed Bill another bottle of water from the mini-fridge before Dipper could say anything. “By the way, Bill, we’re you taking us with you to Gravity Falls tomorrow. Dipper and I go every summer to see Grunkle Stan.”

Bill’s face paled, and he shot to his feet, nearly knocking over Dipper’s desk lamp in the process. “The hell?! You’re going back _tomorrow_?! Are you nuts? I…I can’t go there!”

“Why not?” Mabel asked. “I doubt anyone’ll recognize you, looking like a human and all. We’ll have to give you a different name, though. It’d be a dead giveaway if we go around calling you Bill Cipher. Plenty of people in town still remember Weirdmageddon, y’know.”

“That place is a supernatural hotbed!” Bill growled. “You know how many things out there are gunning for me? Without my powers, I’m a sitting duck! You might as well just hang a sign on me that says ‘Here’s Bill Cipher, now smash his head in!’”

“But they won’t know it’s you if you’re not a triangle anymore! That’s what I’m saying,” Mabel replied, starting to look exasperated.

“Don’t be dense, Shooting Star. _They’ll know._ ” Bill looked anxious, which was the first time Dipper had ever seen him look that way. The Bill Cipher he remembered had been cocky and sadistic right up until the end, so certain his victory was at hand that it ultimately led to his downfall. Now, Dipper was watching Bill run his hands through his hair and shake his head in disbelief. He looked overwhelmed.

“Sounds like you pissed a lot of people off, Bill,” Dipper said. “I mean, you kind of traumatized all of Gravity Falls for a while, after Weirdmageddon.” 

“Look, it was all fine when I could fight back! Now, I can’t. All the things that’ll be trying to kill me can’t be punched or kicked away.”

“Look,” Dipper said, crossing his arms and leveling Bill with a serious expression. “At the end of the day, you don’t have a choice. Mabel and I are going to Gravity Falls. It’s the best chance we have of finding out what’s threatening this dimension. Like it or not, Bill, you’re stuck helping us.”

“We can protect you!” Mabel chimed in. “Dipper and I have been practicing magic for a few years. We put loads of protective wards and shields on the Mystery Shack, on top of the ones that were there already. It’s like a splintery fortress now!” 

Bill let out a bark of nervous laughter. “Oh good! I’ll have two humans protecting me from the ancient, evil, and infinitely more powerful beings lurking in and around Gravity Falls.”

“ _Rude,_ ” Mabel huffed. “See if I make you any Mabel Juice once we get to Gravity Falls.”

“Listen, Shooting Star. Humans in general don’t really have an aptitude for magic. They just aren’t born with the innate gift for it. Typically, humans have to work twice as hard for half the results that a more magically-inclined being would get.”

Now Dipper was starting to look annoyed. “Well, you can’t stay in the dorms. They’re closed for the summer. Like it or not, Bill, you’re stuck with us. Well, unless you want to take your chances on the street. It’s up to you.”

“I never said I wasn’t going, Pine Tree,” Bill replied. “As much as I hate having to admit you have a point, Gravity Falls is really the best place for us to look for whatever is threatening your dimension. Hell, it could very well end up going there first. Hopefully, once we stop it, I can get my powers back and be on my merry way.”

“Glad we got that settled,” Mabel said, flopping onto Dipper’s bed. “Now let’s get some sleep. I’m pooped.”

“I can’t have the bed?” Bill protested. However, Mabel had already curled up and pulled the covers over her. Before Bill could say anything else, a pile of blankets and pillows was shoved into his arms. 

“Here,” Dipper grunted. “You can sleep on the floor.”

It was the perfect end to what had already been a terrible evening, Bill supposed. He had to admit that he was feeling tired as well. Weariness had settled into his limbs, and he yawned a few times in arranging the blankets and pillows. “What about you, Pine Tree? Not that I care if you sleep or not.”

Dipper had taken Bill’s spot at the desk, and was scribbling away inside a book bound in red leather. Bill caught a glimpse of the cover, which featured a six-fingered golden hand with the number “4” on it. Curious, he leaned over to see what Dipper was writing – only for the book to be slammed shut in his face, Dipper turning to scowl at him. “Don’t. This is private,” he snapped. "I'll go to bed in a minute."

“You continuing your precious Author’s work, Pine Tree?” Bill smirked.

“Well, yeah. You burned the other Journals during Weirdmageddon.”

“Were you ever able to find the Author?” Bill asked, as he pulled off his shoes and leather gloves. He wasn’t stripping naked or anything, but Bill didn’t plan on sleeping in all his clothes, either.

Dipper’s grip on his pen was tense. “No. You destroyed their Journals, and those were the only clues I had.”

Bill shrugged off his suit jacket, and unbuttoned the collar of the shirt underneath. He carefully folded everything and placed it neatly on the radiator, laying the shoes side by side nearby. You didn’t just throw nice clothes on the floor, after all, especially not ones you would need to wear the next day.

An idea popped into Bill’s head. It was one that he wouldn’t even think about doing normally, or at least, not outside of a deal weighted in his favor. However, these were not normal circumstances that Bill was currently in. “Pine Tree. You want me to teach you magic?”

Dipper stopped writing and turned to face Bill, incredulous. “What? Are you joking?”

“I wouldn’t joke about something like this,” Bill said. “It’s in my best interests to make sure you can defend yourself, if we’re going to be working together. And I’ll need to practice learning spells from scratch in this form, anyway. What a pain.”

Dipper still looked suspicious. “What kind of magic are we talking about here? I don’t need to know how to make a head scream for eternity.”

Bill grinned. That was a funny memory. “Nah, kid, that’s just parlor tricks. I’d teach you how to fight off real threats. I’ll tell you more about specific defenses against the things that typically live in the Gravity Falls woods, too, since we’ll probably be going in there. And I’ll help you improve any spells you already know, as best I can.”

“You will?” Now Dipper looked surprised.

“Yep. All that muttering you were doing earlier was spell work, I could tell. You were trying to figure out if I was actually human now. It wasn’t bad, but pretty rough around the edges. I can help you fine-tune that sort of thing.”

Dipper was silent for a few moments. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll take you up on that. However,” he held up a hand before Bill could say anything. “Mabel stays with us, at least at first. I don’t trust you.”

“Fine,” Bill said. He held his hand out, wishing he could surround it with blue flames. “It’s a deal.”

Dipper just glared at the offered hand with narrowed eyes, until Bill retracted it. “Touche, Pine Tree,” he said with a grin. “Touche.”

“Just go to bed,” Dipper said. He reached over and flicked a switch, turning the overhead lights off so that the room was plunged into darkness. The only sources of light came from Dipper’s desk lamp, and the faint blue-white glow of moonlight mixed with the illumination of street lamps coming from the window outside.

Bill laid down on his pile of blankets and pillow, pulling one of the blankets over himself. “G’night, Pine Tree.” He was expecting to have trouble falling asleep, but found himself drifting off after about a minute. Bill supposed he must have been more tired than he’d originally thought.

He wasn’t expecting a response, but he heard Dipper say, “Good night Bill,” quietly, before sleep claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the people who left kudos, bookmarks, and comments! Your kind words are much appreciated. :D
> 
> See you all next Sunday!


	3. A Different Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid heroes go to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! :D Have a nice, long chapter to celebrate.
> 
> TW/CW: Canon-typical violence. Nothing too bad, I don't think, but I tagged it just in case.
> 
> I have made some slight changes to Chapter 2, mainly in terms of spacing, to help things flow a bit better. You can re-read it if you wish, but no changes have been made in the content of the chapter.

In a completely separate dimension from the one inhabited by Dipper and Mabel Pines (and more recently, Bill Cipher), there was an alien planet lit by three bright suns. One purple, one red, and one silver, the light from the suns cast the barren planet in beautiful hues of color. The deep canyons that criss-crossed the planet’s surface were lit up in all different shades of the sun’s colors, creating a truly magnificent scene. Violet boulders, rusty red sands, and silvery-white bands of rock, all mixed together to make a landscape that any artist on Earth would weep tears of joy to paint.

None of this meant anything to the man currently running for his life across one particular canyon. Said man, a native of Earth, was being chased by a pack of demons. The demons were in all shapes and sizes, full of teeth like knives and claws like razor blades. At least half of them were on fire, and the other half were dripping in sticky fluids that certainly looked, at the very least, highly poisonous. The demons let out howling shrieks and calls in incomprehensible languages. The sounds sent sharp pains through the man’s ears, as if his eardrums were being pierced by a thousand needles.

One smaller demon, flying on a pair of ragged wings, broke off from the rest of the pack on an errant breeze and drew close to the man, nipping at his heels. The man whirled around, his long brown duster sending up a cloud of dust that momentarily halted the demon in its tracks. He pulled a sleek silver gun from a holster inside the duster and fired at the demon. A bright bolt of green energy hit it right in the chest, causing the demon to let out a loud shriek of pain before completely disintegrating.

Upon seeing what had happened to their comrade, the demons at the front of the pack slowed just a bit. The man’s head whipped from side to side, desperately looking for a way out. His chest was heaving, sweat pouring down his forehead, and his legs felt like they were on fire. He couldn’t keep running like this forever – the demons would outlast him. 

Then, he spotted a small crevasse in the side of the canyon. It was just a tiny crack in the silvery-purple canyon wall, only big enough for one person to slide through. Taking advantage of the momentary pause his show of force had given the demons, the man leapt through it. He skittered and slid down a narrow slope of pebbles and dirt, coughing as some of the dirt flew into his face and eyes. Finally, the man let out a loud grunt as he landed in a heap at the bottom of the crevasse. He was dirty, and could feel the start of a few bruises on his knees, but thankfully it didn’t seem like anything was broken.

High above him, the man could hear hellish shrieks as the demons pounded against the crevasse. A few thin streams of dust fell from the rocks overhead as a result. Apparently, the pack of them either weren’t willing or able to break apart in order to enter one by one. The man had only seen this happen a few times before – demons magically binding themselves together into a single, larger entity in order to accomplish a difficult goal. Gnomes did something similar, back on Earth. Just as the man started to fear that there would be a cave-in, the demons seemed to give up and stop. The man could hear them talking overhead. It was mostly grunts, growling, and incomprehensible languages, but he could make out a few snippets here and there:

“Move on, it’s not worth the effort…”

“Does he know where it is–?”

“Impossible, humans can’t…”

“…might be dead anyway…”

After a few minutes, the voices faded, and there was only silence. The man let out a deep sigh of relief. “Looks like you got out of another mess by the skin of your teeth, Stanford,” he muttered to himself. “But where am I?”

The man – Stanford – reached into his duster and pulled out a small flashlight, flicking it on and shining the beam around. It looked like he’d fallen into a small cave. The light flashed off of clusters of glittering silver-white stalactites, hanging from the rocky ceiling over a small pool of clear water only a few feet away. The walls and floor of the cave shone a similar color. The only source of light was from Stanford’s flashlight, which didn’t bode well for an exit being nearby. 

Stanford drew near the pool, leaning over to look at his reflection in the still, silent water. He looked like a mess. Old, covered in dirt, and with a few minor scrapes. His messy gray hair only had a few streaks of its original brown color left. The dark green eyes of his reflection looked sharply back at him through cracked glasses. “What the hell are you even doing with yourself anymore, you crazy old man?” Stanford muttered at his reflection. Predictably, it was silent. Stanford hadn’t really talked to anyone in over six months. The last time had been to order food from an innkeeper in some backwater dimension that resembled a game of _Dungeons, Dungeons, & More Dungeons._

Stanford stood back up. There was no point brooding over his reflection at the bottom of a cave, after all. He pulled a contraption out of the satchel on his back. A recent invention, it was a small metal box about the size of his palm, covered in blinking lights and dials, with a small pair of antennae sticking out of the top. He’d been using it to track a truly massive source of energy, on a scale that Stanford had never seen before. His old energy tracker had broken when Stanford had originally tried to trace it. After building this new one, Stanford had followed the energy’s signature to this seemingly abandoned dimension. He then promptly ran into the pack of demons, who were probably also seeking this energy source out. It only confirmed Stanford’s belief that this was something _big._

After taking several laps around the cave he’d found himself in, Stanford’s device started lighting up as he found a tiny passageway that led further underground. The device lit up more frequently as Stanford edged his way down the narrow passageway, which just barely had enough room for him to move through. He had to stop at several points to yank his duster free where it caught on pieces of rock.

The device only became more active as Stanford exited the passageway into a chamber filled with towering lavender stalagmites. They had fused with the cave’s ceiling in places, creating great pillars of stone. The device’s dials started spinning as he carefully picked his way around them. A slip here could easily mean a broken ankle, or worse.

The antennae on Stanford’s device started to hum and flicker with sparks of electricity as the cave opened up into another room that contained an even deeper pool of water. This one, Stanford couldn’t even see the bottom of, and he had to edge his way around it on a ledge that was barely even a foot wide. Bits of it crumbled away into dust as he moved along, and there were several points where Stanford considered turning back. But then, the device started to hum and buzz, so he pushed onward. He had to be close now.

There was another small passage at the other end of the pool, and as Stanford moved down it, the device grew warm in his hands. The lights flashed madly, the dials spun so wildly that he couldn’t read them, and electricity flashed and jumped between the antennae. Before Stanford could turn the device off, it started smoking in his hands, and he dropped it with a nervous grunt. Several of the lights and dials cracked as the device impacted against the stone, and Stanford watched as the bright blue sparks that had been crackling around it only moments before died away. He let out a frustrated sigh, realizing that this device was now broken, too.

However, he couldn’t be too far away from the energy source now. Stanford could practically feel it prickling along his skin, causing the tiny hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. His heart started to beat faster with anticipation as he followed along the rocky passage. “This could be it,” Stanford muttered to himself. “An energy source so powerful that it broke two detectors…this could be what I’m looking for! Something I can use to get back home…”

The passage opened up into a round chamber. Stanford yelped and threw up a hand to cover his eyes as he was suddenly blinded by a bright, yellow light. It pulsed almost violently against the stone around it, and Stanford watched as bits of rock literally disintegrated after coming in contact with it. The jagged edges of stone that made the walls of the chamber looked as if this light – whatever it was – had been carving it out recently. Clearly, it wasn’t native to this cavern. Had this been what the pack of demons were looking for, too? It had to be. Energy like this would be impossible for them to resist.

Stanford took a step towards it, but stopped and closed his eyes tightly as a rush of images assaulted his mind. A black top hat and bow tie, a single eye critically assessing him over a chessboard, an outstretched, inhuman hand glowing with bright blue flames…

Stanford knew what this was.

 _“Well well well well well well well!”_ A sharp, and horribly familiar, voice echoed through Stanford’s mind. He couldn’t tell if it was real or imagined. _“If it isn’t my old friend! Aren’t you a sight for sore eye!”_

“Bill Cipher?” Stanford choked out, his voice filled with horror and disbelief. This wasn’t happening. This _couldn’t_ be happening. How could that monster be _here,_ of all places? 

Upon hearing the name, the strange yellow light seemed to stop pulsing for a moment. Then, it flew straight at his body, so that all he could see was yellow, and light, and _infinity._

All Stanford Pines could do was scream.

**-x-**

“Wakey wakey, Bill!”

Bill groaned as he was thrust harshly into consciousness by Mabel’s voice, which was way too chipper for this time of day. He groaned again when she whacked him with a pillow. “Damn it, Shooting Star! I’m up, alright?”

Any minor hope that the events of last night had just been some kind of crazy fever dream instantly flew out the window when Bill flexed his fingers, and pushed his tired meatsuit out of the nest of blankets on the floor he’d been sleeping in. His muscles were heavy with the remnants of sleep, and his throat once again felt dry. Seriously, how often did humans have to drink water? Their lives were all so terribly high-maintenance. Bill felt his jaw crack as he yawned. “Is there any more water? I’m thirsty.”

“Well, good morning to you, too,” To Bill’s left, a grumpy-looking Dipper was packing clothes into a suitcase. “You’re welcome to whatever’s left in the mini-fridge. We need to pack up everything here and get it in the pickup truck, so we can get on the road to Gravity Falls at a decent hour. The less food we have to pack, the better.”

“Mall trip first, though!” Mabel added.

“Mall trip?” Bill asked, staring at both twins in confusion. “What do we need to go to a human mall for?”

“You need some new clothes, mister!” Mabel said, jabbing a finger in Bill’s direction. “You can’t just go around wearing that suit all the time. You’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“You have to pick out stuff that’s cheap, Bill,” Dipper said, as he carefully took down a poster with a serious-looking man and woman pictured on it in grayscale, that said I WANT TO BELIEVE in big letters. “Mabel and I are spending our own money on clothes for you. So, you’re welcome.”

“You don’t have to buy me new clothes, Pine Tree,” Bill said. “I’ll just wear my suit. Besides, you’ve got terrible taste. No offense.”

Dipper paused in the middle of wrapping a rubber band around his rolled-up poster to glare at Bill. “Says the guy who wears a bow tie and top hat outside of the nineteenth century.”

“Those are _classics,_ I’ll have you know. Formal wear never goes out of style. You, on the other hand, are still wearing the same hat from when you were twelve.” Bill gestured at the blue and white cap that seemed to be part of Dipper’s uniform, and felt a slight surge of triumph as the kid’s cheeks flushed slightly.

“Guys, guys!” Mabel jumped in the middle of the budding argument, holding her hands up. “I think we can both agree that _I’m_ the fashion expert here! Don’t worry Bill, I’ll help you find things that are both fun to wear and cheap.” She beamed at him, apparently expecting Bill to feel reassured. However, looking at Mabel’s outfit, Bill did not feel similarly. Both she and Dipper appeared to have gotten dressed while he was still asleep. Mabel apparently hadn’t outgrown her childhood penchant for sparkly things, as she was wearing a long, glittery purple skirt and matching leggings, along with a soft pink sweater that said PORTLAND U on it in bright sequins. Her short black boots sported rhinestone buckles on the sides, and Mabel’s headband even had a sequined unicorn pin on it. 

Dipper, on the other hand, was dressed in jeans that were torn at the knee, a red T-shirt, and slightly dirty sneakers. In addition to the hat, he was also what looked like the same navy vest from when he was twelve as well, only larger. He definitely wasn’t someone Bill was turning to for fashion ideas, either.

Bill groaned internally. “I’m not wearing anything with glitter,” he said, and Mabel’s excited expression dropped slightly. 

“We can worry about the clothes later,” Dipper said. “Just help us pack for now, Bill.”

Bill sighed, and turned to put on the rest of his suit. “I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to a pack mule,” he muttered. 

The rest of the morning, Bill was reluctantly helped Dipper carry things from his dorm room out to the pickup truck parked in the student lot. The campus was swarming with students and their families, who were similarly engrossed in the task of packing up their things for the summer. Bill received more than a few odd looks, probably due to the suit and eyepatch, but for the most part everyone seemed too busy to pay him much mind. It was definitely a good thing – Bill had no idea how he could even begin to explain his presence on campus, or why he knew the Pines twins.

Mabel had gone to pack up her own dorm room, with the help of her friends. She seemed to be friends with every girl on campus, as Bill saw a different one helping Mabel carry things to the truck every time he and Dipper dropped things off into it. Unlike the students in the male dormitory, Mabel’s friends seemed much too interested in Bill. However, she had apparently come up with an elaborate backstory for Bill overnight, and had a smooth response for every single one of her friends’ questions.

“Ooh, Mabel, who’s your brother’s friend?”

“That’s our second cousin, Bill. He’s going to Gravity Falls with us this summer, and he got here last night to help us pack for the trip.”

“What’s up with the eyepatch?”

“He’s been blind in one eye since birth. Just one of those things, you know?”

“Why’s he wearing that suit? Is he going somewhere?”

“Is he single?” For some reason, Dipper seemed irritated at the girl who asked that particular question. He glared sharply at her as she winked and fluttered her fingers at Bill. Dipper tossed the box he was holding into the truck bed with just a bit more force than was necessary.

“He’s _gay,_ Lauren,” Mabel sighed. She actually looked a bit annoyed as well, but then again, most humans were annoying to Bill, anyway. Upon hearing the answer, Lauren frowned and quickly made an excuse to go elsewhere.

Mabel had been pretty impressive, Bill had to admit. He hadn’t even had to make anything up. That girl could probably conquer the world, if she wanted to.  
“Well, that’s the last of my stuff,” Dipper said, “Come on, Mabel, let’s go.”

“Woohoo! Summer vacation, here we come!” Mabel pulled the keys out of her purse, which was covered in ironed-on patches of smiley faces, stars, and rainbows. She unlocked the driver’s side door and climbed in. Dipper got into the passenger side, which left Bill to sit in the back. The inside of the truck was surprisingly well-maintained. There were a few stray hoodies piled in the back, but no visible clutter or trash otherwise. Definitely a step up from what Bill expected of a vehicle owned by two college-aged kids.

Now, all he had to do was survive buying clothes with the Pines Twins. Typically, Bill would have loved picking out clothes, but he’d never really gone shopping before. For all the billions of years he’d existed, he could have anything he wanted at the snap of a finger. Bill didn’t know how he felt about needing to actually _buy_ something he needed now.  
**-x-**

Dipper had no idea where Mabel was getting all of her enthusiasm for this mall trip from. She was practically giddy as she pulled into the parking lot at the local mall. The place was practically deserted. Being on the campus bus line, most of its customers were Portland University students. Since just about everyone was leaving campus today, Dipper had a feeling that business slowed down a lot in the summer.

Mabel practically yanked Bill out of the backseat of the pickup, talking at a mile a minute. “Come on, Bill! Today’s your first day _ever_ buying clothes, so get excited! Oh, and we should eat something at the food court first, I’m starving. So you get to try your first actual human food that’s not chips!”

“Shooting Star, you’re going to pull my arm out of the socket!” Bill growled, yanking his hand from out of Mabel’s grasp. “I’ve eaten human food before, you know, when I was in vessels.”

Mabel frowned at that – thoughts of Bill possessing people were highly unpleasant, especially the instance that occurred with Dipper during her ill-fated sock opera when they were twelve. She perked up again a moment later, however. “Yeah, but now it actually _does_ something for you!”

“Don’t remind me,” Bill muttered, looking slightly downcast. Not for the first time, Dipper wondered just how Bill was dealing with having become human. Going from a being of “pure energy with no weaknesses,” as he’d once described himself, to having to eat, drink, and sleep, must be a huge downgrade. And that wasn’t even mentioning losing his powers all at once. Despite himself, Dipper felt another pang of sympathy for Bill.

“Don’t be trying to make deals with anyone, Bill,” Dipper warned him. Even if they wouldn’t hold the same consequences as before, he still didn’t want to see Bill taking advantage of someone. 

Bill shot Dipper a dirty look. “What good would that even do me, Pine Tree? I may as well just strip naked and offer to suck a person’s dick for cash, it would be the same thing right now.”

Dipper’s cheeks flushed slightly at the mental image that description caused. Bill, being the bastard that he was, picked up on it and smirked at him. “You thinking about me naked, kid?”

“We’re here!” Mabel broke in as they entered the mall, clearly wanting to pretend that she hadn’t heard the previous exchange. “To the food court!” Dipper didn’t mind taking Mabel’s lead here, as he was hungry himself. All he and Bill had eaten this morning were the rest of the snacks in his dorm, which wasn’t much. Dipper had pretty much stress-eaten most of them during finals a week earlier. 

Dipper had to stop Mabel from buying one of everything in the food court for Bill to try. “We already have to get the guy clothes, remember?” He said. “Don’t start thinking Bill is our friend just because he’s not a demon right now, OK? We can’t trust him.”

“I know,” Mabel sighed. “I guess…I just feel for him, you know? He was basically dumped on our doorstep with no money or anything, except for the clothes on his back. He’s like one of those babies who get abandoned at churches by unwed teen mothers.”

Dipper rolled his eyes at the analogy, but he knew what Mabel meant. “I know, I know. Just…keep it to three things, OK?”

“Yay!” Mabel cheered. She settled on getting Bill a hot dog, a slice of pizza, and a latte. Bill looked like a cross between hungry and slightly terrified as she came bearing the tray full of junk food towards him. At some point, Dipper thought, they would probably have to give him a vegetable. He wondered for a moment if he should have asked Mabel to get Bill a salad, before realizing what he was thinking a moment later and ruthlessly shoving said thought out of his mind. 

_Don’t be an idiot, Dipper. This is Bill Cipher we’re talking about here! He’d kill you and everyone you love in a heartbeat if he could. And you’re worrying about whether or not he eats his greens?_

Watching Bill eat was, Dipper had to admit, slightly hilarious. He nibbled daintily at the hot dog, even after Mabel dumped half a bottle of ketchup on it. Bill pointedly stopped eating the hot dog after a solid thirty seconds of watching Mabel squirm uncomfortably when he asked her what it was made out of (“Meat, duh! What kind of meat? Uh, well…brown…meat…?”) 

On the other hand, Bill loved the pizza, trying to practically shove it down his throat while Dipper warned him about choking hazards and Mabel discussed the finer points of different pizza toppings. This was promptly followed by burning his tongue on the latte. Dipper had to choke back laughter at the way Bill’s eyes widened in shock as he fanned at his tongue. (“ _Fuck_ , that’s hot! I never knew human food could be like this!”) He looked decidedly perkier after finishing, especially after listening to both Pines twins tell him about the amazing restorative powers of caffeine. 

Clothes shopping, however, was a lot less easy. Dipper and Mabel decided to let Bill take the lead in the first store they went to, deciding to let him decide for himself what styles he liked. In what was, in hindsight, an entirely predictable decision, Bill made a beeline for the formal wear section. Meanwhile, Mabel went off to buy Bill socks and underwear, leaving Dipper alone to supervise.

“Bill, you absolutely _cannot_ get that,” Dipper sighed, as Bill looked approvingly at a dark gold suit jacket with black trim. “It’s designer.”

“Well, that just makes me want it more, Pine Tree,” Bill said, running his fingers approvingly down the sleeve.

“It’s two hundred dollars.”

“So? You and Shooting Star said I needed clothes.”

“Two hundred dollars is our _entire_ clothing budget for you,” Dipper replied tersely. He was starting to get annoyed at Bill for seemingly taking his and Mabel’s generosity for granted. “We can’t spend it all on one suit jacket.”

“But it’s pretty,” Bill said, his expression awfully close to a pout.

“No, Bill.”

“You’re no fun at all,” Bill complained, but he reluctantly let the jacket go. Any hope that Dipper had for leaving formal wear and looking in a more reasonably priced section of the store immediately left once Bill started ogling the bow ties.

“Pine Tree -”

“Absolutely not, Bill. We’re trying to be inconspicuous here. Bow ties aren’t really something people wear every day.”

“Well, they _should_. Personally, I think human fashion peaked with the bow tie. Now, if only we could find a top hat…” Bill mused, inspecting a navy-blue bow tie.

“You already _have_ a bow tie! You’re wearing it _right now_!” Dipper felt like screaming in frustration at this point.

“One can never have too many bow ties, Pine Tree.”

“Can I help you gentlemen find something?” The stern-faced saleslady had been following them at a distance, in that way salespeople do when they’re trying not to be obvious about it. She was clearly wondering what two people who looked like college students were doing arguing in the most expensive section of the store.

“No, we’re leaving now,” Dipper said, grabbing Bill by the wrist and practically yanking him out of the store.

Mabel especially was no help in the second shop, where she and Bill tried on different hats for what seemed like a million years. Dipper idly browsed the Internet on his phone while wondering if he’d died and was in Purgatory. “Dipper’s really attached to his hat,” Mabel explained to Bill. “He’s got this thing about lucky hats. He had one when he was five that he never washed, because he was worried about washing the luck out.”

“Mabel, could you _not._ ” Dipper muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up as Bill practically doubled over laughing.

“He washes his hat now, though!” Mabel said, apparently trying to make Dipper feel better.

“Don’t worry, kid, I like your hat now. Don’t change it,” Bill said, in between coughs from laughing so hard. “It’s what makes you Pine Tree.” Somehow, that statement actually made Dipper’s cheeks heat up more. He was starting to wish the floor could just swallow him whole.

They ended up leaving the shop after Mabel refused to get Bill a fedora. “Trust me, _nobody_ will respect you if you’re wearing a fedora these days.”

At the third store, Mabel directed Bill straight to the Men’s Casual section. He seemed to have reluctantly decided to take her advice regarding clothes, so they were able to pick out a few decently-priced shirts and pairs of pants for Bill. He insisted on sticking with his preferred yellow-and-black color scheme for the most part, but Mabel was able to talk Bill into getting some blue jeans and green shirts as well. The two of them nearly got into a shouting match over a black T-shirt with a tuxedo pattern on it, which Bill insisted on getting, and Mabel said was “atrociously tacky.” Dipper, who for the most part had just been observing everything, actually had to step in on that one.

“Mabel, just let him get the shirt.”

“But-”

“You have sewn rainbow and smiley-face patches onto half of your sweaters. You literally own three different hoodies with Pusheen the cat on them. Your thing is cute stuff, Bill’s thing is suits. Let him have the shirt.”

“…Touche, bro-bro. That was surprisingly deep.”

The next step was for Bill to try on the clothes he had purchased. Mabel practically shoved Dipper into the men’s dressing room with him. “Mabel, come on!” Dipper protested. “I think Bill can figure out whether or not a shirt fits him.”

“Well, someone has to make sure! And I can’t go in there, so it has to be you.”

“I don’t know if I trust Pine Tree to make sure I look decent,” Bill said. “I mean, he’s not exactly what you'd call fashionable.”

Mabel actually giggled at that, the traitor. “He’s just going to make sure you don’t have your shirts on backwards, OK?”

Groaning, Dipper followed Bill into the dressing area. “I’m not going into the dressing booth to watch you get naked,” he said firmly. “Just come out when you’ve got the clothes on, and I’ll make sure they look normal.”

Amazingly, Bill did as he was asked. Dipper suspected he was getting a bit tired of the shopping trip, as well. For the last hour, Dipper had wanted to get on the road. As things stood now, they were going to have to spend the night at a motel. Dipper wasn’t too thrilled about that, but it was too long of a drive from Portland to Gravity Falls for them to get there at a reasonable hour by now.

Dipper should have known that things wouldn’t be as simple as just watching Bill to make sure his clothes were on quickly. Nothing that had to do with Bill was simple. Thankfully, he seemed to know how to get dressed, as Bill left the dressing booth each time with his fly zipped and his shirt right-side-in. However, Dipper couldn’t help but notice that Bill’s human form was…nice. Whatever deity had made it apparently knew something about what humans found attractive (or at least, what Dipper Pines found attractive). Bill was taller than him, lean and lightly muscled. The jeans Mabel had picked for him showed off his long legs perfectly, and the shirts seemed to cling to his torso in all the right ways. Dipper even found himself admiring other parts of Bill that weren’t related to the clothes he was trying on. His hair, for example, was a light blond on top but grew progressively darker, so the roots looked nearly black. His one visible eye shone an almost unnaturally lovely blue against tanned skin. Even the eyepatch looked strangely elegant. 

“Pine Tree, are you OK?” Bill asked at one point. “Your face looks awfully red.”

Dipper coughed awkwardly, feeling his blush worsen. “Um! Yeah, uh, I’m good. Are you – are you done?”

“Yeah, I guess? This stuff is all acceptable, I guess. Don’t tell Shooting Star though, it’ll get to her head.”

After they purchased the clothes, Dipper and Mabel bought Bill one pair of hiking boots and one pair of sneakers at the discount shoe store. Bill left looking angry because they wouldn’t let him buy loafers and formal shoes. Apparently, telling Bill that more formal shoes wouldn’t be practical meant nothing.

Bill was strangely silent as they left the mall. Dipper was about to ask if he was feeling alright as everyone got back into the pickup (It was his turn to drive, and the last thing Dipper wanted was to have to pull over because Bill was nauseous or something). Then, suddenly, Bill spoke up. “Listen up, both of you, because I’m only going to say this once.”

Dipper and Mabel listened expectantly, but Bill stayed quiet. “Are you going to tell us the location of your secret stash of gold, or something?” Dipper finally prompted him.

“No,” Bill glowered, and Dipper couldn’t help but smirk slightly. With a sigh, Bill continued. “The two of you didn’t have to help me. You also didn’t have to spend money getting me stuff. I know that money is important to humans, so…thank you.” He practically whispered the last two words, and Dipper suspected Bill hadn’t said them in a _very_ long time, if ever.

Now, it was the Pines twins turn to be quiet. Dipper exchanged a shocked look with Mabel, who spoke up first. “Aw, Bill! You’re welcome! I mean, you’re helping us with the whole ‘horrible threat to our universe’ problem, so of course we’d get you some stuff if you need it.”

Dipper frowned – he’d forgotten about the initial reason Bill had given for coming to their dimension in the first place. “Uh, yeah. What Mabel said. You’re – you’re welcome.”

“Alright, well, now we’ve got that out of the way,” Bill said. “I hope I never have to thank anyone again. It was…weird. Humans are weird.”

“Yeah, we are sometimes,” Dipper agreed.

The silence in the pickup returned, but this time, it felt a lot more comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you very much for the kind comments and reviews. They make my day. :3
> 
> See you next Sunday! ;D


	4. The Road I Must Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang drives to Gravity Falls. Shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! I'm so happy to see all the attention this fic is getting. Thank you so much for all the kind comments and kudos. You lovely folks make my heart happy.
> 
> Still no TW's. We're still in the lighthearted part of things. For now. ;)

The comfortable silence in the pickup lasted all of ten minutes before Mabel’s phone rang. The ringtone was a completely forgettable pop song, probably by whatever boy band was popular these days. Bill would know; he’d made deals with humans before who were looking for a way to make their garbage music appeal to the general public. At least half the boy bands that had been popular over the last twenty or so years were the result of making deals with some demon or other.

“Hello, you’ve reached Mabel, the Alpha Twin!” Mabel said cheerily as she answered the phone. Bill watched Dipper huff and roll his eyes at his sister’s words in the rearview mirror. “Hi Grunkle Stan!”

Bill could hear a gruff voice on the other end of the line, and cursed the fact that humans had such weak senses for what felt the like millionth time. At his full strength, Bill would have been able to predict every word of the phone call with 100% accuracy. Now, he couldn’t even make out what Stan was saying over the phone to Mabel. “Yeah, we’re on our way. But we won’t make it to Gravity Falls until tomorrow evening…Nothing’s wrong! There was a lot of traffic, is all…”

Bill leaned in to try and hear things a bit better, until Dipper glared at him through the rearview mirror and mouthed _“I will throw you out of the truck.”_ Frowning, Bill crossed his arms and sat back in his seat once more. 

_“Really!?”_ Mabel squealed. “Wendy, Soos, and Melody are all in town?! Oh my gosh, that’s fantastic! Like, glitter-and-rainbows level fantastic! They’re almost never off at the same time – oh, that reminds me! Dipper and I are bringing along a friend, too. His name’s, ah…Will! Forest. Will Forest. Yes.” She stifled a sharp giggle, then. “Nooo, he’s not Dipper’s boyfriend!” 

Bill watched Dipper blush bright red at that. He had no idea what there was to be embarrassed about, though. Humans had such weird hang-ups about sexuality. Bill had seen creatures get together in all kinds of amazing and horrible configurations. If Dipper liked men and women, that was tame by comparison. 

“Will’s just a friend from school, and his summer plans fell through at the last minute. He really likes the outdoors, so we said he could come along with us!” Mabel continued. Although Bill still couldn’t make out what he was saying, Stan’s voice had gotten louder on the other end. Mabel winced. “He said he’ll work for free at the Mystery Shack all summer!” 

Bill leaned forward again to object to Mabel offering him up for common human labor like that, but ended up falling back in his seat once more when Dipper chose that moment to change lanes, in what seemed to Bill to be an overly aggressive manner. “Dipper, watch it!” Mabel hissed at him, covering the end of the phone so that Stan couldn’t hear.

“I’m just making sure nothing disturbs your conversation,” Dipper muttered back, shooting Bill another glare in the rearview mirror. Bill flipped him off.

“Everything’s fine, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel said, returning to the phone. “Dipper just hit a pothole. They never pave the roads out here…Oh, Will is absolutely fine with taking the living room couch! Thanks so much, you’re really helping us out here. Love you, Grunkle Stan! Dipper and I should be in around five tomorrow with Will, so we’ll see you soon! Have dinner ready for us, we are going to be _starving!_ ” With that, Mabel ended the call. “By the way, Bill, the name we’re using for you in Gravity Falls is Will Forest. I picked it, so that way you know it’s good.”

“It’ll do,” Bill replied. At least Mabel hadn’t picked out something too flowery. He had to admit that she was a pretty quick thinker, when push came to shove. “But more importantly, why the _hell_ did you tell the old man that I’d work at his stupid tourist attraction?”

“You don’t have much of a choice here,” Dipper said. “That’s pretty much the only way Stan will let you stay with us, since he doesn’t know you at all. As things are, we’re going to need to come up with some kind of backstory for you. People are bound to ask questions.”

“There are only a few constants about this universe,” Mabel chimed in. “Glitter is the greatest thing that’s ever been invented, pigs are the best animals, and Grunkle Stan will never turn down free labor!”

“And how the hell does Stan even remember any of you, anyway?” Bill continued. “Last I knew, that crazy old man with the beard was scrambling his brains in order to kill me.”

“I helped him remember,” Mabel said. “Through the power of scrapbooks!”

“Mabel and I showed Stan all the pictures and stuff we’d collected during our first summer at Gravity Falls,” Dipper explained. “Eventually, it triggered his memory into coming back. He still seems kind of hazy about what exactly happened during Weirdmageddon, though. He doesn’t like to talk about it, anyway.”

“I don’t blame him,” Mabel said quietly. “It was pretty horrible.” The twins both fell silent, and eyed Bill suspiciously. It made him thankful that they’d all agreed to work together for the time being, or else Bill was sure that Dipper and Mabel would be trying their hardest to get rid of him. 

After a minute or so had passed, Bill awkwardly cleared his throat. “So, uh…what’s this backstory you guys have for me?” He asked.

Mabel started talking like she’d just been waiting for someone to ask. “I’ve been thinking about that! So I figure what we’ll say is that you’re a physics major like Dipper…”

Bill let Mabel chatter on, feeling slightly relieved that the tension in the pickup truck had eased. Although they had been getting along pretty well at the mall earlier, Bill had to remember that Dipper and Mabel Pines were only temporary allies. The moment they stopped whatever threat it was that Axolotl had warned him about, Bill needed to leave. There was no point in sticking around with people who hated him any longer than he had to.

Mabel’s elaborate backstory for “Will Forest” seemed to go on forever. Several times, Dipper had to stop her from coming up with an entire childhood for him. Bill chimed in on a few parts as well, in order to stop Mabel from potentially embarrassing him down the line. (“Don’t go around telling people my favorite color is mauve, Shooting Star!”) Eventually, they decided on having Will be a physics major who recently transferred to Portland from a smaller college in Washington. He and Dipper shared several classes in common, and so they had become friends. His parents traveled overseas often for work, so Will wasn’t always able to see them over the summer. Will had been planning to spend the summer with them this year, until a business emergency had come up at the last minute that required his parents to spend an extended period of time in England. After hearing that Will wasn’t able to see his family, Dipper and Mabel had graciously asked him to come with them to Gravity Falls. 

“Alright, I think that pretty much gives us answers for the most common questions people might ask,” Dipper said. 

“I still think you should have let me say Will’s parents were going to Istanbul,” Mabel said. “It’s supposed to be a lot sunnier there than in England. They’d probably have a better time.”

Dipper sighed. “Let’s just keep the story the way it is, OK? I mean, it’s not like Will Forest or his parents are actually real people.”

“Now that’s just mean,” Mabel giggled.

Once it got to be late afternoon, they pulled over at a gas station in order to refuel. Mabel practically dragged Bill into the store “just to get a few things,” and the two of them ended up carrying out enough candy and snacks to feed an army. 

“Holy shit, Mabel,” Dipper gaped at the two of them. “How much money did you spend on all this junk?”

“Oh, come on, bro-bro! We’re teaching Bill all about the wonders of human food here!” Mabel said, from behind an armload of Fun Dip. “None of us knows much about his new body yet, and that includes what he likes to eat. Think of it as being for research purposes, OK?” And with that, Mabel and Bill clambered into the back of the pickup, leaving Dipper to finish filling up the gas tank.

Once they were back on the road, Mabel and Bill slowly ate their way through a mountain of junk. Bill was getting into it just as much as Mabel was, surprisingly. “You know, he’s going to have to eat an actual meal at some point,” Dipper said, as he remembered that all Bill had eaten in his short time as a human had been mall food and snacks. Could he gain weight in this form? Was he able to get diabetes, or high blood pressure? Dipper had no idea. _Why am I even worrying about this stuff?_ He thought, feeling slightly annoyed with himself. _If he dies from a heart attack, it’ll make our lives a lot simpler. Right?_

“Pretty much all he’s eating is peanuts, though,” Mabel said around a mouthful of Fun Dip. Although she claimed that it was far inferior to Smile Dip, Mabel ate an awful lot of the stuff. She really liked sugar rushes. 

Bill held up a can of Mr. Peanut brand nuts so that Dipper could glance at it in the rearview mirror. “They have a really well-dressed mascot,” he said. “I can get behind that.”

Half an hour later, all the snacks had been eaten. Mabel and Bill were slumped in the backseat, groaning and holding their stomachs. “I’m in pain, but…it’s not funny,” Bill moaned. “Why is it not funny?”

“It never feels good when you eat too much,” Dipper replied. “That’s your body’s way of telling you that you’re reaching your limit. Mabel’s a lost cause, but you should remember that for next time, Bill,” Dipper said. “Jeez, you guys didn’t even leave anything for me to eat.”

“Limits?” Bill sounded distressed at the very mention of the word. “I don’t have limits! I’m Bill Cipher, and I am unstoppable – ouch!” He hissed as he tried to make a sudden movement. “Ow, my stomach cramps if I move too fast…”

“Ugghh…it was a bad idea to eat that entire box of Chipackerz…” Mabel sighed. “But the new Buffalo Spicy Ranch Blast flavor is so good…”

The sun was now dipping beneath the horizon, and it was time to start looking for a motel. With Mabel’s help, they were able to find one nearby that was reasonably cheap and didn’t have Yelp reviews complaining about “cockroaches the size of baseballs” in the bathroom sink. (“Come on, Dip-Dop, I know we’re only staying one night, but there are _standards,_ you know?”)

Dipper pulled into the parking lot of the motel as the last rays of sun were fading away, plunging the world around them in the soft purple of twilight. He couldn’t help but notice Bill gazing pensively at the horizon as they got out of the car, overnight bags in tow. “What’s so interesting out there?” Dipper asked, squinting at the distant tree line. They weren’t anywhere close enough to Gravity Falls to start seeing signs of monsters, and everything looked quiet. There was barely even a breeze.

“Nothing,” Bill said. “Just – the sky. I’ve never really looked too much at the sky on Earth, especially this time of night. So – I don’t know, my insides feel – kind of nice? When I look at the sky, I mean.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “It’s probably because of all the junk food I ate…”

Dipper smiled slightly. “It sounds like you think the sky is pretty. I understand. Dusk is a nice time of evening, especially in the summer.”

“Excuse me? I don’t _like_ anything about this shitty dimension,” Bill snapped, with what Dipper thought was an unreasonable amount of anger. “The sky right now looks just as awful as everything else here.” He turned and headed towards the motel entrance, with Mabel trailing after. 

“O…kay…” Dipper said, following after the two of them. He didn’t understand Bill Cipher at all. It was only to be expected, he figured, seeing as how Bill was a demon who was unimaginably old, and Dipper was just an average human. They really had nothing in common.

The motel looked dingy inside, as was to be expected from a cheap place. All the surfaces were covered with a thin layer of grime, the kind that wouldn’t come off even if you spent hours scrubbing at it. (Dipper doubted anyone who worked here had tried, though). Mabel went up to the clerk, a bored-looking teenager with bad skin who was busily tapping away at his phone. He reminded Dipper a bit of Robbie, back when the two of them had first met. 

“Hi!” Mabel said cheerily. “We need a room for three, just for the night.”

The kid looked up, eyed the three of them, then sighed and put his phone down. “’Kay, lemme see what we got,” he said, turning to an ancient-looking computer and clicking a few icons on it. “Sorry, the only room we got left that’s clean only has two beds. And the housekeeper left for the day, so…”

“We’ll take it,” Dipper said, not wanting to spend time arguing. The kid shrugged and handed over two key cards, which Mabel put in her purse as she dug out her debit card to pay for the room. 

The clerk smirked at Bill. “Dude, what’s with the outfit? Your bride leave you at the altar on your wedding, or something?”

Before the twins could say anything, Bill grinned nastily at the kid. “She didn’t even make it to the wedding. I ate her the night before,” he replied, his voice cold and dead serious. The kid’s face paled, and his expression changed to one of confusion and fear. Bill relished in it, feeling his spirits lift considerably at being able to strike fear into a lesser being. A _much_ lesser being, in this brat’s case.

Dipper shot Bill a look, then turned back to grin at the kid, clearly trying to reassure him. “Don’t worry about our _friend._ He’s just got a terrible sense of humor.”

The kid just nodded as the hotel’s computer accepted their payment. “Have a good night…”

“Don’t go scaring people like that!” Dipper hissed, as they walked down the hallway towards their room. “What part of _laying low_ don’t you get?”

“The little shit was asking for it, Pine Tree,” Bill replied flippantly. “If I still had my powers, he would be experiencing much worse for that little quip right now, believe me.”

Dipper just grumbled and rubbed his forehead. “I’m tired.” 

“Well, you were driving all day,” Mabel said. “I’m driving tomorrow, so no worries! Once we get our stuff set down, I’ll grab dinner for us. I saw a burger place across the street.”

“How are you still hungry after all those snacks earlier?” Bill asked, staring at Mabel in confusion.

“I always have room for burgers!” Mabel grinned.

“Her stomach’s basically a bottomless pit,” Dipper explained.

“I just have a high metabolism, is all!” 

**-x-**

A little while later, Mabel, Dipper, and Bill were eating greasy fast food on their beds. Mabel and Dipper both had burgers, while Bill, who claimed to still be full from the junk food binge he and Mabel went on earlier, was nibbling at some fries. For a guy who’d literally only been human for two days, Bill had picked up some pretty bad eating habits. 

The room itself was a typical dingy motel room. The two beds had mattresses that were hard and springy, as well as sheets with questionable stains on them. Aside from a rickety wooden chair in the corner, the only other piece of furniture was an old wooden dresser covered in nicks and scratches. Atop the dresser was an ancient TV that only got three channels, one of which being the Weather Channel for some reason. Dipper had found that out during Mabel’s brief foray to get food, as Bill had been staring pensively at his hands and didn’t seem like he wanted to talk. Not that Dipper had much to say to the demon, anyway. Bill knew nothing that could ease the worry Dipper had churning around in his gut, about what new and unknown threat they had yet to face.

After they finished eating, everyone took turns showering and brushing their teeth. “I don’t have anything to brush my teeth or shower with,” Bill said. 

“Shit, we forgot to get toiletries for you at the mall,” Dipper groaned. He was exhausted at the thought of having to go out at night and look for a convenience store or something, so Bill wouldn’t smell bad. Dipper was uncomfortably reminded that Bill hadn’t showered or brushed his teeth since he became human.

“It’s OK, I packed extra!” Mabel said cheerily. She handed Bill a glittery pink toothbrush. 

“Mabel, you’re amazing,” Dipper said, while Bill turned the toothbrush over in his hands and stared at it.

“ _Always be prepared_ is the Eagle Scout motto, after all!” Mabel replied, giving Dipper a mock salute.

“But…you were never an Eagle Scout.”

“Well, it’s a good motto anyway.”

Bill, meanwhile, was just standing in the entryway to the bathroom and staring at the twins. “What is it? Go brush your teeth,” said Dipper. Then an uncomfortable thought occurred to him. “You…know how to brush your teeth and shower, right?”

“I’ll figure it out. Can’t be that hard, right?” Bill said, going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

“Don’t eat the toothpaste!” Mabel called after him. “I know it’s glittery and tastes good, but trust me, it’ll make your stomach hurt!”

After a few minutes of silence, Mabel whacked Dipper with a pillow. “Hey, maybe you should go in and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself?”

“He’ll figure it out,” Dipper replied. “Trial by fire, right?”

Sure enough, Bill left the bathroom freshly washed, and wearing a pair of boxers along with one of the T-shirts they’d bought for him at the mall. It was the first time Dipper had seen him bare this much skin. Bill seemed naturally tan, and he looked…nice. Tall, with lithe muscles that reminded Dipper of a big cat. A predator. They weren’t bulging like Manly Dan Corduroy’s muscles or anything, which was good. Dipper had never really been into bulging muscles like that, anyway. _Not that I’m into Bill Cipher at all! Period. It’s only natural to look at his body. It’s a form I’ve never seen Bill in before, so it’s just…interesting, is all._

“What’s the staring for, Pine Tree? See something you like?” Bill smirked at him, stretching his arms so that his T-shirt rode up a little, exposing a strip of flesh just above his boxers. Dipper felt his eyes drop down to stare, without even thinking about it. Mabel was staring at the both of them as well, brow wrinkled in confusion.  
With what felt like a Herculean effort, Dipper wrenched his eyes away. “Shut up and go to sleep,” he grumbled. “I can’t go to bed with you moving around, is all.”  
A moment later, Dipper felt the mattress dip next to him. He yelped as he saw Bill actually _climb into the bed next to him._ “Wh-what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” He said, in a strangled kind of tone that made him sound like he was twelve.

“Going to sleep, obviously,” Bill said, like it was the most natural thing in the world to climb into bed with a guy he’d tried to kill ten years ago. “Or would you rather I sleep in Shooting Star’s bed?”

“No!” Dipper cried, still in the same strangled tone despite his best efforts. “I mean - ” He stopped to clear his throat. “I’ll call the front desk to get some sheets, so we can make you up a place on the floor.” He got up and went to the dresser across the room, where a dusty phone sat next to the TV. Dipper picked it up and dialed for the front desk.

After what felt like an eternity, someone finally picked up. “Shady Oaks Motel, how can I help you?” Came the bored-sounding tone of the kid who had checked them in earlier.

“Yeah, this is room 411,” Dipper said, a note of impatience sneaking into his voice despite his best efforts. “I need some sheets and a blanket.”

“Sorry man, the laundry’s closed. I can’t bring anything up for you right now.” The kid didn’t sound sorry at all. Dipper could sort of understand Bill’s animosity toward him now. “Anything else?”

 _“No,”_ Dipper snapped, and hung up. 

“Oh, just sleep next to Bill already,” Mabel’s annoyed voice floated up from where she’d wrapped herself in blankets on the other bed. “I’m sure he won’t sex you up or anything.”

Bill let out a laugh. “Listen to Shooting Star, kid, she’s the smartest one here. Well, besides me, of course.”

Dipper glanced at the chair in the corner, but it really did look like it would fall apart if anyone so much as touched it. The last thing he wanted was to get charged extra for breaking the motel's shitty furniture, even if it was only by accident. Grumbling, Dipper reluctantly climbed into the bed, flicking the switch so that the lights went off. Making completely sure he wasn’t touching any part of Bill’s body, Dipper closed his eyes. 

After what felt like an eternity of nervously lying stiff as a board in the bed, trying not to touch Bill, Dipper noticed that the demon’s breathing was even and regular. He was staying on his side of the bed, not even trying to poke Dipper with his foot like Mabel had sometimes done when the two of them had shared hotel beds on trips as young children. While he’d been worrying, Bill had just drifted off without a care in the world. It was somehow slightly annoying that his bedmate had fallen asleep so quickly, but Dipper found himself relaxing nonetheless. At least Bill wasn’t trying anything funny. Not to mention, his body was giving off some nice warmth, and Dipper really was tired from driving all day…

He felt his eyelids grow heavy, and before long, Dipper was fast asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: When I was younger, I actually did stay at a bad hotel once where they told me the laundry was closed when I asked for new sheets. So that's where the inspiration for the motel our intrepid heroes stay at is from.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and I look forward to seeing you all again next week! ^_^/


	5. Nothing To See Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper, Mabel, and Bill return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to Gravity Falls in Chapter Five. This is the last chapter of what I'm considering a very extended "prologue," and it helps to set the stage for what comes next.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

Dipper woke up slowly the next morning, aware that he was warm and, well, semi-comfortable. The springs of the mattress he was laying on were digging into his side, and the blanket he was under was slightly scratchy against his skin. However, Dipper was also aware that there was a nice, warm body pressed up next to his own, its arms wrapped securely around him. Dipper sleepily nuzzled against it, humming slightly in his semi-awake state. It felt like a nice body, strong and protective, with soft skin. Dipper snuggled a bit closer, feeling safe and comfortable in its embrace.

Dipper was about to fall back asleep when he heard soft giggling. He hissed slightly as a bright flash crept in at the edges of his vision. Feeling slightly annoyed at having his rest disrupted, Dipper opened his eyes…

…Only to discover that Bill Cipher was wrapped around him like a fucking koala. And Dipper had been _snuggling_ him.

He let out a strangled cry that was somewhere between a yelp and shriek, and Dipper literally fell out of the bed in his haste to escape. He groaned as his back hit the floor, taking most of the blankets with him. They tangled around Dipper’s legs as he lay there, wishing that this was a bad dream. He knew sleeping in the same bed as Bill was a bad idea. _I should’ve just slept in the chair after all,_ Dipper thought ruefully.

Above him, Bill sat up, yawning and stretching. A hand ran through his messy bedhead, mussing the blond locks even further. If Dipper hadn’t known that Bill was an incredibly dangerous demon who had attempted to destroy an entire universe, he would have thought Bill looked cute. Dipper groaned again. He hated his brain sometimes. 

Meanwhile, Mabel was practically cackling as she waved her phone around. Dipper realized that the flash of light he’d seen had been the camera going off. “This is prime scrapbook material!” Mabel cheered, waving the phone in Dipper’s face. The photo she’d just taken was displayed on the screen.

Dipper’s cheeks heated as he saw the picture she’d taken of him and Bill, pressed up against each other with their limbs tangled together. There was even a little drool on Dipper’s chin. “Mabel, _please_ delete that. Don’t post it on Facebook, or Instagram, or Snapchat, or - ”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Mabel cut him off, looking sharply down at him. “I know that’d open up way too many questions we can’t answer. Have I ever posted anything Mystery Twins-related online?”

Dipper breathed out a sigh of relief, which lasted all of five seconds until Mabel opened her mouth again. “But this is totally going in a scrapbook! No complaining, Dipper, you never know when I might need to jog someone’s memories again! We have to document this trip for posterity. Just think of it as being for _research._ ” She laughed again, then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and get dressed.

Dipper disentangled the blanket and got to his feet, while Bill stared at him. “The hell is Shooting Star up to this early?” He asked. 

Dipper knew that he would rather be chased by a herd of angry Manotaurs than tell Bill that the two of them had been accidentally touching. (There was no way in hell Dipper would ever call it cuddling). “She took a picture of us in the bed together,” Dipper said.

“Why?” Bill just looked confused. “I mean, it’s not like either of us was naked or anything. I know you humans have weird hang-ups about that.”

Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out another deep sigh. It was going to be a long day.

**-x-**

The car ride the rest of the way to Gravity Falls was peaceful, aside from Dipper and Mabel occasionally bickering about the radio. Mabel wanted to listen to generic flavor-of-the-month boy band music. Dipper, while willing to humor Mabel to an extent, apparently wasn’t willing to listen to songs about teenagers hooking up for the entire drive.

“Driver picks the music, Dipper!” Mabel said, slapping Dipper’s hand away from the radio dial. “That’s the rules, and you know it.”

“Mabel, we’ve been listening to Boyz N Sync for the past two hours,” Dipper said. “ _Please,_ let me put something else on.”

“Every time you drive, we always listen to those podcasts about monster hunting,” Mabel retorted. “There’s only so many times you can hear about guys almost running into Bigfoot before that gets old, too.”

“The last one was about _Mothman,_ not Bigfoot!”

“Whatever! You can put on what you want - ” Dipper perked up for a moment, reaching for the radio dial again, until Mabel finished her sentence. “ – When you’re the one who’s driving.”

Dipper groaned, leaning over to look out the window. “I wish I remembered what bag I put my headphones in.”

Bill tuned the both of them out, looking out of his own window with a gnawing sense of dread in his stomach. The highway was turning increasing narrow and isolated as they drew ever nearer to Gravity Falls. The forest was becoming thicker as well, and they passed more and more of the tall, thick pines and birch trees that made up most of Gravity Falls’ legendary woods. In what was becoming an increasingly common feeling, Bill had no idea what to expect.

He’d always considered Gravity Falls to be a sort of home base on Earth. Bill had been all over the tiny planet, yet he always seemed to spend most of his time in this universe hanging around that backwoods Oregon town. Its unique magical properties made the natural barriers between worlds thinner than normal, which made it easy for Bill to slip in and out of the Mindscape. Not to mention, Gravity Falls always seemed to attract the type of person that made for an excellent vessel. The old Native shaman, Ford Pines, and…well. Bill glanced over at Dipper, who was dozing with his face pressed against the edge of the car door. He still remembered what being nestled in the kid’s skull felt like. Dipper had been a nervous wreck at age twelve. 

“Bill,” Mabel spoke up suddenly. “You’ve been pretty quiet the last day or so. What’s rattling around in that noggin of yours?”

“Nothing,” Bill replied, perhaps a bit more angrily than was warranted. “You’re the one who can’t stay quiet.”

He expected Mabel to get mad, but instead she laughed. “What can I say? I’m a chatterbox!”

“We’re not going to rat you out to Stan,” Dipper said. Apparently, he’d been more awake than Bill thought. “Remember, you still need to help us stop whatever’s threatening our universe. And the Mystery Shack is safe. Nothing’s going to get you there.”

“Yeah, but I’ll have to leave the Shack at some point,” Bill replied. “Then I might as well be wearing a giant sign that says EAT ME.”

“You’ll be with Dipper and me,” Mabel said. “We’re so good at magic now, it’s like we graduated from Hogwarts!”

Bill just grunted, leaning back as the car drove past the old wooden sign that read WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS. It still looked exactly the same as when Bill had last seen it, minus a few insanity-inducing flying eyeballs. The old water tower was still there, with a now slightly-faded muffin spray-painted on its side. “Yay, we’re here!” Mabel cheered. “I can’t wait to see everyone! How big do you think Diego’s gotten? Oh, Diego is Soos and Melody’s son, by the way, Bill.”

Somehow, the knot in Bill’s stomach worsened. He peered intently at the spaces between the trees as they drove by, thinking of all the monsters that could be lurking there. 

As if sensing his discomfort, Dipper said, “Bill, I know Mabel and I are _just humans,_ or whatever. But, we’re the humans who ruined your plans for world domination. Isn’t that worth something for protection?”

At those words, Bill perked up slightly. “I hate to admit it, but you do have a very small point there, Pine Tree. It takes some pretty damn special humans to screw up my Weirdmageddon.” A shadow of his old smirk returned to his face. For just a moment, Bill saw Dipper smile back in the rearview mirror.

They drove through the town square, past the town hall, Greasy’s Diner, and Gravity Malls. Bill could see the lonely silhouette of the old Northwest manor on a hill high above the town. Aside from a few things – a new paint job here, a renovated building there – the town looked exactly the same as it had just before Bill unleashed Weirdmageddon onto it. Somehow, it irritated him to see that. _It’s like all my millions of years of planning didn’t even leave a mark…_

Dipper took that moment to randomly have a burst of anxiety, as if realizing just how close they actually were to the Mystery Shack now. “Remember, Bill’s codename is _Will Forest,_ OK? Last thing we want is a slip-up.”

“I know. I’m the one who came up with the name in the first place, y’know,” Mabel said.

“Does everyone remember the cover story?”

“ _Yes,_ Pine Tree. I didn’t magically develop amnesia in the last ten minutes, alright?” Bill groused. “I’m many times older than your universe, I think I can remember a cover story.” 

“Just making sure we’re all on the same page here,” Dipper replied coolly. “And you have to call people by their actual names, OK? It’ll be a dead giveaway if you start calling me and Mabel ‘Pine Tree and Shooting Star.’” Dipper chose to ignore Bill rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out at him.

“Don’t worry, Dipper! After all, we’re back in Gravity Falls! We’re going to see our family and have a great summer! Oh, and save the universe, too,” Mabel said, playfully giving her brother a quick shove. She practically bounced in her seat as they started passing signs advertising the Mystery Shack. “Oh, Dipper and I put up some of these when we were teenagers!” She said cheerily. 

“I remember. I accidentally hit my thumb with the hammer,” Dipper said.

“Oh yeah! We had to take you to the hospital. Well, at least you didn’t break the bone. Good times, huh?”

Finally, Mabel turned down a bumpy gravel road, and pulled the pickup truck to a stop right in front of the Mystery Shack. It was the same dilapidated tourist trap as last time – an old wooden home that had been repurposed for strangers to gawk at. No one had even bothered to fix the ‘S’ in the Mystery Shack sign, after ten years. But the way Mabel and Dipper looked at the place, with big grins on their faces, it might as well have been a palace.

Mabel banged on the horn loud enough to alert the entire state of their presence. The front door to the Shack practically slammed open in response. A grumpy-looking old man wearing a black suit and a fez stepped outside, waving his fist. “I said no solicitors! If this is about the pugs, I never saw ‘em – oh! Kids!” His expression brightened slightly as Dipper and Mabel jumped out of the pickup truck. Bill got out as well, but stayed by the vehicle. He honestly wasn’t sure what to do in a situation like this. Bill had dominated every single social interaction he’d had for billions of years. He wasn’t used to feeling like a third wheel.

“Grunkle Stan!” The Pines twins chorused. Mabel ran towards Stan, enveloping him in a tight hug. Dipper followed close behind, clearly happy to see the old man.  
“Good to see you too, sweetie,” Stan said, returning Mabel’s hug with a slight smile on his face. “And you, Dipper.” He clapped Dipper warmly on the shoulder, as his grand-nephew gave him a hug as well.

Mabel, meanwhile, was peering around Stan at the house. “Where’s – ah! Waddles!” She let out a happy cry as a small pink pig came out of the house, snorting happily. Mabel got to her knees and pulled the pig close to her in a tight embrace. “Waddles! I missed you so much! Have you been good? Not giving Grunkle Stan too much trouble, I hope?”

“That pig eats any food I leave alone for more than a minute, and tracks mud all through the house. I wish they’d let you take him into the dorms.” Contrary to his gruff words, Stan was still smiling fondly at Mabel, as she rubbed her cheek against Waddles’ snout.

“They wouldn’t. Believe me, I asked. The Head of Student Living said there was no such thing as a seeing-eye pig. What a poop-face,” Mabel stuck her tongue out to emphasize the point.

“Well, you aren’t blind anyway, Mabel,” Dipper said, shaking his head at his sister. “We’ve already had the discussion as to why you can’t sneak Waddles onto the campus three times.”

“I still think Waddles would have made a great dorm mascot,” Mabel replied, releasing her pig and standing up. “Oh, I nearly forgot! Grunkle Stan, this is our friend Will Forest. Will, come and say hi!”

Bill took that as his cue to walk forward. Somehow, he felt slightly nervous. Stan’s mind had, after all, been the place of his demise. He knew that it was highly unlikely, but Bill couldn’t help but wonder if Stan would recognize him anyway. _Don’t be stupid. You are the all-powerful Bill Cipher, and this is just a mere mortal,_ he thought to himself. Somehow, it didn’t do much to reassure him when he was stuck in a meatsuit himself.

Bill stuck his hand out. It felt strange, to be doing this outside of making a deal. Almost unnatural. Bill hated looking at his naked palm, lacking the bright blue flames that had surrounded it the last time he’d shaken Stan Pines’ hand. “Hi,” he managed to say. “I’m…Will. Nice to meet you.”

Stan eyed Bill suspiciously. “So, you’re the kid who’s offered to work for free and sleep on the couch, eh?”

“That’s right!” Mabel said, before Bill could even open his mouth. “Will loves the outdoors. The second Dipper told him about the woods around here, he wanted to come up with us.”

“So are you into that complicated math mumbo-jumbo that Dipper studies? I gotta admit, I never thought nerds like that were really into the outdoors. Well, except for Dipper.” Stan still looked suspicious. Bill wondered if the yellow T-shirt and black pants he was wearing were triggering any memories of him. Then again, he had no idea if Stan even remembered what happened in his Mindscape ten years ago.

“It’s _quantum mechanics,_ Stan,” Dipper sighed. “The study of how the universe works? I’ve told you this before.”

“Eh, it’s all Greek to me, as they say,” Stan said. “Well, I never say no to free labor! Besides, you can’t be all bad if you’re Dipper’s friend. Kid’s got pretty good taste.” Stan reached out and took Bill’s hand, shaking it firmly. He had a surprisingly strong grip for an old man.

Dipper ducked his head and rubbed the back of it, but not before Bill saw a smile on his face. The compliment clearly meant a lot to him. “Thanks, Grunkle Stan.”

“You _sometimes_ have good taste in people, alright? Don’t let it get to your head,” Stan replied, though his tone was fond. Bill could tell that he clearly cared a lot for his grand-nephew and -niece. The thought made him feel even more out of place. “Anyway, welcome to the Mystery Shack, Will! A place of rare and amazing magical artifacts that will amaze and astound you!” He gave a dramatic wink, and Bill resisted the urge to roll his eyes with great difficulty.

“Are Soos, Melody, and Wendy here yet?” Mabel asked. “I want to say hi to everyone!”

“Yeah, they’re in the house,” Stan replied. “I told ‘em to wait so they didn’t crowd the door and all start talking at once. We better go inside before they all decide to come out here anyway.” 

“Yes!” Mabel cheered, and rushed inside. Stan and Dipper followed, with Bill trailing behind. The four of them went through what Bill remembered, from his brief time possessing Dipper, as being the Mystery Shack. None of it looked particularly interesting. It mostly seemed like a collection of taxidermy or otherwise stuffed animals with different bits glued on. You could literally see the glue stains on some of the stuff. Any humans that fell for this sham of a roadside attraction had to be even dumber than Bill had thought (which was really saying something, considering his already low opinion of humanity).

They passed through a doorway, and into the part of the house where people actually lived. Once they entered the living room, the two people inside came forward, all talking at once as they went to greet the Pines twins. Mabel let out a happy little shriek as she wrapped a portly Latino man Bill recognized as Question Mark into a tight embrace. Well, actually, he supposed that he needed to call the guy Soos, now. He still looked about the same as he had 10 years ago – even the beat-up cap on his head was identical to the one Bill remembered. The only major difference was the lack of Soos’s T-shirt with the signature question mark on it. Instead, the man was wearing a plain black T-shirt, cargo shorts, and work boots. All of his clothes were covered in dust and dirt, as if he’d just rolled around in the woods for an hour.  
“Soos! My brother from another mother!” Mabel laughed. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Mabel,” Soos said, happily hugging Mabel back. “Skype just isn’t the same as seeing you dudes in person.”

Meanwhile, Dipper was hugging a woman with long red hair and freckles, who was dressed in jeans, a plaid shirt, and a brown fur-lined hat. _Ice Bag,_ Bill thought. _But I guess she’s Wendy to me now._ He vaguely remembered seeing a few thoughts floating around in twelve year-old Dipper’s head that indicated he’d been attracted to Wendy. For some reason, that caused Bill to feel a surge of dislike towards her. Which made no sense, because he couldn’t care less who Pine Tree dated, or kissed, or had sex with, or whatever.

“Dude, how’ve you been? We’ve got so much catching up to do! How’s college been?” Wendy said.

“It’s been good. Lots of math,” Dipper replied with a big smile on his face. “I’m starting Calculus V next semester, which should really help my understanding of string theory and quantum tunneling.”

“I didn’t understand a word of that,” Wendy grinned, playfully punching Dipper on the arm. He grinned and rubbed the spot she’d hit. “We’ve gotta catch up on some movie marathons, yeah? Just like old times.”

“Absolutely,” Dipper grinned back. “You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Somehow, the statement made Bill’s stomach sink like someone had just dropped a rock into it.

“Oh, you two are just in time!” A woman wearing an apron, with long blonde hair that was tied back in a messy ponytail, stepped into the room from the kitchen. She was the first one Bill didn’t recognize at all. “I just got dinner out of the oven. How does pot roast sound?”

“Heck yeah!” Mabel cheered. “I’m starving! Your cooking is the best, Melody!” The woman in question laughed as she and Mabel hugged, before Mabel hurried to the kitchen. 

Soos and Wendy followed close behind, both chanting, “Grub time! Grub time!” Stan went after them, yelling for everyone not to open his 2017 vintage “Cog Nack” until he was at the table.

Dipper made to follow everyone else, but paused as he noticed Bill hanging around by the entrance to the living room. He hadn’t said a word since they’d entered the Mystery Shack. “Hey, come on. It’s time for dinner. You want to eat, don’t you?”

Bill just shrugged. “I’m not that hungry. Besides, don’t you want to spend time with your family? They’re a hell of a lot more interested in you than in me.” Bill’s traitorous stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, as if deliberately trying to disprove his words. He glared at it. _Stupid meatsack._

Dipper smiled slightly. “They just haven’t been introduced to you yet. Trust me, everyone’ll want to talk to you once we get in the kitchen and sit down.”

Despite Dipper’s encouraging words, Bill was still reluctant to go into the kitchen. He’d been watching humans ever since they had been little more than grunting beasts, staggering around and waving clubs at each other. They were still little more than grunting beasts, though, and far below a much greater being such as himself. Bill had only watched humans in order to determine how they could be most useful to _him,_ how they could help to advance _his_ plans for their universe. 

He hadn’t known that humans could be like that with each other, the way Mabel and Dipper were with Wendy, Soos, Stan, and Melody. Affection, support, love…these were all words that were useless to Bill. They meant nothing to him. All this mushy crap did was bring up memories from when Bill had been a much younger demon, before he had made his home in the Nightmare Realm between Mindscapes. Memories that were best left forgotten.

Dipper gently reached out and took Bill’s arm. He looked down, surprised at the touch. “Look,” Dipper said quietly. “You definitely don’t deserve it, but…I want you to meet everyone. Properly, when you’re not trying to kill them all. You’ll be spending plenty of time with everyone since you’re staying with us, so you might as well get to know them a little.”

Bill looked up at Dipper’s eyes, which were warm and encouraging. Their dark green color reminded him briefly of a pine forest, cool and welcoming on a hot summer day. Dipper’s hand on his arm felt nice, too. Supportive. “Okay,” Bill found himself saying.

Dipper grinned, which was a look that Bill decided he liked on the kid’s face. Just marginally more than him screaming in agony, anyway. He allowed Dipper to gently lead him into the kitchen to meet his family, for what was almost the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to have to skip next Sunday's update, as I've gotten a bit behind on the chapters. ^_^'' Chapter 6 is roughly 3/4 of the way done, and I need some more time to finish up that and Chapter 7. I'll be back with more BillDip goodness for you all in two weeks, though!
> 
> The wine Stan is referring to is "cognac," and is not at all pronounced the way it's spelled. Unfortunately, Stan never bothered to learn French.
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for the kudos and comments you bestow on my unworthy soul. You're all such lovely people. <3

**Author's Note:**

> The "dumb phrase" Bill is thinking of that has to do with eyes is "the eyes are the window to the soul," btw.
> 
> I'm hoping to update this fic on Sundays, to give you kids something fun to start your week off with. In order to try and avoid a problem I tend to run into where I get stuck about where a fic is supposed to go, I've already written out the first 3 chapters. :D
> 
> Seriously, the reason I love this show so much is because it's basically a Cosmic Horror Story in a cartoon that was on the Disney Channel. It's amazing.
> 
> Also, I'm impressed the fandom is this strong even though the show ended 3 years ago. Keep the fics coming, fam.


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